Luckily, I stashed one of these free Mugabe lunch vouchers in my wallet:
...and, together with my financial adviser (my wife), devised a foolproof Personal Bailout Plan:
Things are lookin' bad, George... your Texas limousine may soon look like this:
We all know, however, that any crisis could be fixed if only everyone went out and did more SHOPPING with their credit card:
Throwing water onto the fire? Petrol? Or whisky?
.. Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
.. Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
.. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
'Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on Northern Rocks in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan. In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut its branches. Yesterday it was announced that Kamacazi Bank was suspended after it nosed-dived. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared the staff my get a raw deal’.
Want to trigger a stampede at the office?
No need to throw shoes at the boss... just circulate this memo:
Attention all staff:
Due to the current financial situation caused by the
slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to
be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and
SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (AdditionalObviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not
Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management. Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not recieve enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisors. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
And now here is the Finance News. This is a nasty graph of the latest performance of the Australian dollar against the Thai baht. As Australians, our purchasing power here in Thailand is reduced to only two-thirds of what it was in July. Eeeek.