30 November, 2006

The dark side of the WIGGLES:
Never accept polonium-210 from Strangers

It's time to lock up your grannies. The Wiggles join forces with Bush's

"Matrix-of-Evil" on board the Aircraft Carrier 'USS Playschool'.

In breaking-wind news, President Bush has bypassed Congress and appointed the Wiggles as his speech-writers and publicity machine. Mr Bu$h has simultaneously presenteded legislation to reduce the minimum voting age to 5 in the states of New York and California.

He denied there was any link between these two initiatives. But Democrats have criticised them, claiming it was an attempt to 'level the intellectual playing field' between all states.

However, unbeknown to the Bush 'intelligence' team, Australia’s top-earning pop group the Wiggles are in dire straits – ‘what’s-his-name’ the Yellow Wiggle may soon be forced to hang up his skivvy through ill-health. Prolonged exposure to reggae nursery-rhymes is officially alleged to be the cause… that's usually more deadly than a Polonium 210 burger with yellowcake sauce.

It is alleged, however, that the Yellow Wiggle may have succumbed to a Polonium-911 lollipop, a gift from a predatory 'Stranger', later identified as one of Saddam’s ex-lawyers who has not yet been murdered. However, the CIA immediately dismissed that as ‘utterly impossible’.

Thousands of children have been diagnosed with a new mental-health condition which has been dubbed W.U.S.S. (Wiggle Undersupply Stress Syndrome). One of its primary diagnoses is a child's inability to control sudden bursts of jerky dancing at socially inappropriate moments.

The Wiggles earned $50 million last year (for real!). By way of comparison, the group AC-DC earned $25 million (also for real), while the Sydney Symphony Orchestra may have picked up a cool $25 in tax rebates. The Tele-Tubbies unsuccessfully built up a new image:

But fans of Fine Music and botched Oil Wars need not despair. FunkyPix2’s own musical director has is being quietly head-hunted by Wiggle International (Yellow Division). Clearly, they were impressed by my research paper on Haydn's 'Toy Symphony'. Watch this space4ggg for news of the pending appointment.

If chosen, FunkyPix2 will diversify the Wiggles' business empire to include a controlling share in Bangkok's latest Bangchak Bio-Diesel plant. It converts used vegetable cooking oil into diesel. I've already Wiggle-themed the tanks...

...and written a children's "oil-recycling song" which goes:

Mary had a Little Lamb
She fried it with minced Weasel
And after Mary ate her fill
She changed the oil to Diesel and scored a big fat profit

28 November, 2006

Homer's long-lost Epic Poem, the "Thaksiad", compressed into a blog

A recently discovered Greek statue, featuring an uncharacteristically square face,
was recently discovered in the Antiques Dept of Harrods, London.

(Thank you hugely to S Tsow, Nation Multimedia group for the loan of this spoof)

Readers may remember the Celtic bard Fonning Toaddy, who was writing an epic poem in the classical Greek style immortalising former prime minister Thaksin Shinawatra. I ran into Fonning recently in the beer garden of the Happy New Squalor Guesthouse in Banglampoo, Bangkok. He was looking very glum...

Me: Well, Fonning, what ever happened to the Thaksiad? Did you finish it?

Fonning: Och, lad, dinna remind me. Me hero buggered off to America and got oosted in a coup. Now he’s gone shoppin’ in London. How heroic is that, I ask ye? Me epic poem has fallen on dismal days. I canna finish it.

Me: Why, it’s ended in the classical Greek way: the hero, having reached the heights of fame and power, has been brought down by hubris. This is a modern version of the Oedipus myth, or the Iliad. Just as Oedipus ended as a blind beggar, just as Achilles was killed by an arrow in the heel, so Thaksin has gone shopping at Harrod’s. It’s a modern morality tale. You have to finish it.

Fonning: Hoot, mon, who’s gonna publish an epic poem in this day an’ age? I dinna have the stomach for it.

Me: Listen, Fonning, the other night I got inspired and dashed off a few lines for it myself. (Taking a manuscript out of my nerd bag) Listen to this:


Then winsome Pojaman spoke up,
Addressing her keen-witted lord:
“My liege,” quoth she,
“I do desire a shopping spree at Harrod’s.
Whilst thou dost tarry in New York,
Busy with affairs of state,
Let me fly to England’s shores,
And shop my sweet self silly.
If the devil wears Prada,
So must I.
For I am The prime minister’s wife.
It is my sacred duty
To enhance our nation’s status;
And when it comes to designer clothes,
I must outshine the devil.
Mayhap, whilst I do spend and spend
Thou canst lobby at the UN
To make our Surakiart Sec’y-Gen.”

Fonning: That’s awful. Ooo, it’s truly terrible.

Wait, it gets better. Here’s the part where Thaksin gets word of the coup:

The horrid news smote Thaksin pale.
He, ashen-faced, began to wail:
“Alas, alack, alackadoo!
I’m all undone by this foul coup!
I’m jobless now. What shall I do?”
Brave Surakiart, staunchly standing by,
Raised his spirits with a ringing cry:
“Fear not, my lord! ‘Tis bad, no doubt,
But at least you got your assets out.”

That isna poetry, lad, that’s bloody doggerel. Ye’ve reduced me epic poem to a monkey’s jingle.

Me: Okay, here’s a section where we drop the rhyme. But it’s still in a heroic vein:

The hero hugged his loyal spouse. “My lady fair,
My clever dame, most cunning Pojaman!
Thou hast saved the day,” he cried,
Face flushed with joy. “Five thousand suitcases
Thou didst smuggle out! That was, I see,
A ruse to thwart the generals.
For I assume they’re filled with cash,
And stocks, and bonds, and jewelry.”
Then Pojaman, all sorrowful,
Drew back, and faced her beaming lord.
“Why, no, my liege,” quoth she, dismayed.
“Thinkst thou I am so devious?
All empty were they, all five thousand,
Sent to Harrod’s doors to be
Receptacles for my shopping.”

Fonning: Still not up to snuff, lad. Ye’ve got to fix the line aboot his clever dame. An’ ye’re takin’ a mass o’ liberties wi’ the historical facts. Still, I like the line aboot her not bein’ devious.

Me: Fonning, together we can finish this epic. Think of the movie version, man! Kevin Spacey as Thaksin! Geena Davis as Pojaman! Jay Leno as Surakiart! Sidney Poitier as Kofi Annan! John Lone as General Sonthi!

Fonning: How are ye gonna end it, then?

Me: Why, with Thaksin and Pojaman happily settled in London, going shopping every day. Their son Panthongtae had a Thai company called How Come? Now he and his sisters will start a new company in England called What, Me Worry? With the entrepreneurial skills their father taught them, they’ll soon become millionaires, and their parents will be able to shop in their usual uninhibited and profligate manner. Thailand meanwhile will flourish under new leadership, and everybody will live happily ever after.

Thus all wrapped up, our epic’s done,
With a happy end for everyone.
Farewell, farewell! No need to cheer—
Just throw some coins to buy us beer.

To get a potted history (and more of my links) on ex-Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra's corrupt career and Icarus-like downfall in the military coup, click here or on the link 'Thailand politics' just below. Then you can decide for yourself whether it's all a tragedy or a comedy.

Intelligence Test for George Bush

1. Do you think the above photos could be useful in the campaign to re-group your ailing Republican Party? (Yes / No)

2. Do you think? (Yes / No)

3. What is wrong with the above photo? .......................................

4. Please stand up in front of the class and clearly pronounce the word "nuclear", then use it in a sentence.

5. Carefully look at the above photo. What is wrong with it?
[ ] The photo is upside-down
[ ] The traffic light is facing the wrong way
[ ] Nothing at all.

Mrs Condi Bush regrets to inform...

'Stern Report' sympathisers upstage the Great Australian Bikini March

FunkyPix2 members show their stern attitude to Climate Change

Hundreds of members of the controversial website FunkyPix2 showed Melbourne a thing or two yesterday. Organisers claimed that protesting injustice by merely pussy-footing around in bikinis was "OK, no problem", but didn't go far enough to demonstrate the urgency of Australia's fundamental need for social-progressive adaptivity.

A spokesperson claimed: "Australia is so sluggish about the Kyoto Weather Protocol that the country has been climatically "rear-ended" by the rest of the world. That's intensely embarrassing to Australians", he said.

He said, however, that as female members cycled past mosques they would slip on a burqini out of respect.

And here is the Weather Forecast, presented personally by the Hon. John Dubya Howard himself in this short, quick-to-load href="http://www.nicholsoncartoons.com.au/flash/flash.php?id=184" target="_blank">flash animated cartoon by Nicholson of the 'Australian' newspaper. Afterwards, just click out and you'll be back here in your beloved FunkyPix2.

27 November, 2006

Thai opera ‘Ayodhya’ censored: Is this "Stalinist" repression? …or fear of Thaksin?

The above headline is rather like one of those "Have-you-stopped-beating-your-wife-yet?" questions, isn't it?

The interim Thai government’s Ministry of Culture has pressured Thai opera composer Somtow to eliminate a 'controversial' scene from his new opera. Somtow has protested that such treatment is Stalinist, artistically invalid and insensitive.

The opera is roughly based on Thailand's “Khon Theatre” traditions centering on the figure of Rama, a reincarnation of the Hindu god Vishnu who is the hero in the Hindu epic Ramayana and its Thai version Ramakian. Its western equivalent might be epic poems such as Homer’s Iliad, Milton’s Paradise Lost, or Dante’s Divine Comedy, etc.
Battle scene from the Ramakian.

The Ramakian is concerned with the war between Rama the righteous king and Thotsakan the king of demons – the old ‘good vs bad’ theme. The drama is touched off by the abduction of Rama's beloved consort by the Demon King. The drama is therefore full of love, magic and war scenes – all activities dear to the hearts of Thais. There is nothing more that a Thai likes than to perve on a gory accident scene, ghost pictures, or a photo of a mangled suicide victim still trapped under train wheels – witness a typical photo from today’s Thairath newspaper [the blood has been partly air-brushed out, but there's still enough to sell the newspaper like hot-cakes]:
This picture is a mild one by comparison to some: Thai people seem to have few qualms about the sight of blood.

After the first opera performance, however, the Thai Ministry of Culture lectured the composer about the danger of including a scene where the heart of the ‘bad guy’ Thotsakan is thrust through with a sword after being dunked in a pot of blood. Thotsakan then falls to his death – Good overcomes Evil yet again. So where’s the problem?

The minister complained: "Most important, the khon tradition would not feature the death of Thotsakan on stage anywhere. For it is believed that this would be a bad omen and might bring about calamity to the country… In Thai traditional dance, Thotsakan is held in high regard - because he is also another angel." (Nation Multimedia News; my emphasis)

Composer Somtow retorted by claiming that opera tradition has no necessary connection to Khon tradition, ie, the same old arguments that raged in the 17th and 18th century in Europe’s halcyon operatic days. But he finally agreed to an off-stage death of Thotsakan.

The Real Reason
for the censorship is that the current Thai government is still extremely wary of ex-PM Thaksin, whose name is by coincidence disconcertingly similar to that of the fabled demon-angel Thotsakan. The current Thai King (Bhumibol) also happens to be one of the Rama Dynasty (Rama the 10th), so the pre-coup tensions between the King Rama and Thotsakan... sorry, Thaksin... are still fresh in peoples' memories. Therefore the military coup chappies are simply insuring themselves by publically crystal-balling that any "catastrophe" befalling Thailand would retrospectively be blamed retrospectively on this opera, and by logical extension, NOT on the military government. On their minds might be a possible counter-coup attempt, or maybe the de-stabalising of Thailand by the untimely return of Thaksin.

Gosh, how I love this country... superstition is alive and well, and politicians ruthlessly exploit it to the hilt.

PS: By way of anecdotal footnote, the majority of Thais do strongly believe in angels. The guy who supplies the internet connection to our apartment excitedly showed us a photo he had recently taken during a group meditation. Dotted over the night-sky were small splotches of light… normal random refractions which are the bane of amateur after-dark photographers. Sam was ecstatic that angels had descended on his meditation circle, even though he couldn't see them at the time. I wowed along with it good-naturedly, but cast my mind back to my own photo of a (very secular) carnival at the Thai town of Huahin:

Check all the ‘angels’ floating in the sky. I’m damned sure no self-respecting angels would have showed up that night, given the 150-decibel music.

26 November, 2006

Thaksin’s family is popping up all around Asia like a 'Jack-in-a-Box'

Thaksin selects a tasty-looking croc for dinner at a northern Chinese restaurant.

Mr Square-Face is 'accidentally' spotted by papparazzi in Hongkong.
He doesn't seem too distressed at the harrassment.

Exiled former PM Thaksin, his wife Pojaman, and son and daughter have been popping up like unpredictable mushrooms all around Asia. They’ve been spotted shopping for expensive watches in Singapore, restauranting in Hongkong, golfing in Bali, hob-nobbing in Beijing… then suddenly vanishing into thin air again. Where next?? ...Is he planning to sneak back into Thailand? He says he isn’t, which usually means he is.
Conveniently, the paparazzi have even been 'lucky' enough to spot the wife and kids making merit (god knows they need to) by donating food to a monk:

These pranks have got Thailand all spooked – that's exactly what Thaksin seeks to achieve. His tiresome photos still appear on front pages here, just like Princess Di’s relentless ghost on covers of ‘No Idea’ magazine and the likes.

Such deliberate (and typical) theatricality allows Thaksin to continue to hog the media spotlight. This is of course regarded very warily by Thailand's new government. They are countering Thaksin's attempt at "Woe-is-me rejected-hero status" by quickly assembling a range of criminal and corruption charges against the entire family – right down to their house-maid whose bank-account has been 'loaded and laundered'. Thaksin must continue to be portrayed at all costs as the "Evil Villain" – which he is. Unequivocally.

The new government is super-sensitive even to to implied hero status. There has been censorship of a new Thai opera which doesn’t even refer directly to Thaksin… check it out here.

22 November, 2006

Nuclear power in Australia:
Premier Shane Warne preparing new legislation

Courier Mail, January 8, 2025.
Premier Shane Warne predicted that the average Queensland family’s current monthly electricity bill of $2,344 would rise by 40% over the next year if a second nuclear power station were to be built in the Barron River Gorge in North Queensland. Such reactors had gobbled more than double the amount of water anticipated by scientists.

He said the first reactor built near Kuranda back in 2012 by the 6th Howard Government had already exhausted the water in the Barron River to the point where the Cairns Cricket Club was forced to import water by truck for its grass. “This is a disaster for all Queenslanders”, he claimed in parliament.

He also pointed out that Kuranda tourist numbers were dwindling because tourists are losing interest in watching historical films of the Barron Falls in flood. "These films are available on YouTube", he told the Costello News Network.

“Apart from that, there’s so little water left that Queensland farmers have mostly gone out of business. As a consequence Queensland is now having to import food from South-East Asia, so the average family’s monthly food bill is now topping $4,690.”

“The solution is simple”, he claimed. “Big tax incentives for families volunteering to euthanase grand-parents would significantly reduce demand for electricity, food and medical services.”

Senator Bindi Irwin was preparing the Bill to present to the Lower House next week. She was proposing a crocodile-led economic recovery. Euthanased grand-parents could be fed to crocodiles and sting-rays, promoting cheaper crocodile meat and a boost to the ailing hand-bag export industry.

Footnote: This last cartoon might reflect a grim humour surrounding the current climate debate, but technically it is not correct - Nuclear Fission Reactors actually require vast amounts of water, so would have to be located in the wetter regions of Australia (well, er, the less dry ones). Politicians need to be specific about such proposed locations. Prepare Ye for a spate of "not-in-my-backyard" spats.

20 November, 2006

World Toilet Expo photo gallery:
Designer Loos get royal flush reviews

The recent Bangkok Toilet Expo went off with a bung, not a whimper. Every display made a splash. Here’s a gallery of some exhibits:

The heavyweight division:

The His-Hers model:

The Bloo Mac-Loo:

The classy "Orchid Series" from the Bangkok Flower Show:

The controversial "hands-free" model:

The "You-Know-You're-Alive" model:

...and the Runner-up in the Accessories division:

The Encouragement prize went to the "Gotta-Go-Cart":

[sorry - blogger's animated gifs often mysteriously stop working]

........but the GOLD MEDAL display of the whole shebang was the top-secret S.O.D.D. (Scatological Ordinance Distribution Device) proudly invented by Donald bin Rumsfelt as his contribution to Peace in Iraq. Click to view:

Rumsfelt’s B52-model SODD bomber

Likewise, click to view this virtuous vitreous venially-sinful

Virgin Mary urinal

(only perve at this if you're a monogamous monk - and single... and make sure your Big Boss Upstairs isn't spying over your shoulder. Maybe it'd be best to grasp your Rosary beads firmly in case you feel a sudden urge to pray).

This was the venue of the Toilet Expo, at Banglampoo, Bangkok.

16 November, 2006

Aljazeera TV (English) launched...
...View a sample in real time

The Al Jazeera newsroom during the launch of their new English-language TV channel. Aljazeera is bank-rolled by the Qatar Royal Family, so George had better be mighty careful not to insult them.

Have a peek at a 15-minute real-time video clip here (click on the "56K modem free trial". This is not the 'YouTube' recorded version apparently preferred by American websites - instead, FunkyPix2 brings you whatever is being broadcast right now. You can stretch the screen if you wish, by dragging the lower right corner, but the quality of the picture naturally reduces. After viewing, close it, click out of the blank screen and you'll be returned here to FunkyPix2).

Let's sit back and observe how the US media reacts to real media democracy, or whether there will be the usual active suppression of Freedom. Already Al Jazeera appears to be mysteriously unavailable in most parts of the US. Gosh George, I'm so surprised. Nevertheless, you can all view it here, anytime night or day, compliments of FunkyPix2.

Al jazeera's presentation format is similar to that of CNN or BBC, but its aim is to make western viewers squirm a little about bias, the selection of what constitutes 'news' (and what doesn't), and the carefully emotive choice of words. It does so in a very moderate and balanced manner - unlike Fox News and other right-wing media. Aljazeera aims "to set the news agenda' [read: 're-set']. The lead item in the initial news, for example, was about Palestinian suffering in Gaza, second was Darfur, Iran, Zimbabwe... and so forth.

Subtlety is the name of the game, as is the case with bias in western reporting. The newsreader spoke, for instance, of the conflict between Israel and Palestine, in contrast to western media which prefer the term "Palestinian territories". This is a massively significant distinction - words can be weapons.

Another example: Israel usually labels as "terrorists" those Hamas fighters launching rockets into Israli cities, whereas Palestinians routinely label them Resistance fighters. That's nothing new - hence the subtle significance of the al Jazeera report which went: "...the Israeli minister is now warning so-called terror organisations will pay a heavy price". It's the adjective "so-called" which makes all the difference here.

The implicit message to the west - at least those in the west who have ears to hear - is "This is precisely how you manipulate us all the time... Why is it somehow wrong when we do it in reverse back to you?"

And of course Al Jazeera is absolutely correct. If you disagree with me, it means (logically), that you are partisan.

It's called 'D-E-M-O-C-R-A-C-Y'. Listen up, now, George: Write it down. Learn to spell it. Muslim media have as much right to existence as Christian media. One is no more right or wrong than the other: they both wreak havoc in different ways... rather like Republicans and Democrats, eh, George? ...ho ho ho (hum).

FunkyPix2 also continues to offer its regular link to the real-time al Jazeera English website on the right of your screen. Now your link to the Aljazeera English TV channel also lives there.â

14 November, 2006

Vatican to be SUED:
No more miracle cures at Lourdes!

St.Bernadette, wearing her Muslim-style headscarf,
imagines she sees a vision of Mary at Lourdes in France.

The days of "miracle cures" at Lourdes are officially over, according to the Vatican. The ‘miracle’ tradition began in 1858 after the ‘Virgin’ Mary instructed Bernadette Soubirous to scratch the ground, whereupon water flowed from the hole and became a permanent spring dispensing miracle healing and relief. However, FunkyPix2 has a more down-to-earth version of the likely origin of this relief:

However, if you don’t suscribe to FunkyPix2’s “Celestial Teddy-Bear” Humanist-Rational version of religion, you might prefer to get a more orthodox account here, to bone up on one of the versions of the "facts" about the Lourdes legend.

Since Bernadette’s days, sick pilgrims have flocked in thousands to Lourdes to get themselves a miracle cure, to the point where church bureaucracy was swamped by Wanna-be saints. Now, suddenly, Rome has wearily declared there will be no more miracles, only ‘inexplicable cures’.

That little linguistic juggle gets the Vatican out of the Heavenly frying pan …but straight into an Earthly fire. It simply means that what used to be a miracle now somehow isn’t a miracle any more. Hey, someone’s lying, and it’s either a god or a pope. A lie can’t be fixed by adding another lie – just ask Popes Blair or Bush (and especially Cardinal Howard).... lies always come back to bite your bum.

FunkyPix2 suggests that all past and present Aspirants seeking a ‘Lourdes Miracle Cure’, including everyone from Saints to Sinners, mount a legal Class Action against the Vatican for Mass Fraud. Previous Saints (and their heirs) have had their reputations slurred and stained, and may suffer loss-of-income from reduced pendant and icon sales. And thousands of present believers have been utterly duped - denied the miracle cure they’ve been promised ever since Sunday School. They’re also angry about reduced opportunities for careers in Sainthood. As a result, many have been forced onto anti-depressant medication and/or have psychological trauma counselling as a result of the church’s callous decision to cancel miracles. More catholic marriages are now veering towards divorce (!!!), and numerous former pilgrims are resorting to binge-eating disorders…...
But now there’s a new spiritual rescue package for catholics –

Catholics will be relieved to know that there is no longer any need to make a pilgrimage to Lourdes. The church is launching a “Frequent Prayer” card for rewarding regular attendance at mass, with bonus points available during confessionals (depending on the salaciousness of your confession and whether you’re an under-age child). Collect 12 points (one for each apostle, even Judas) and you get a free “Lourdes-Inexplicable-Cure” gift voucher of your choice (up to the value of the Medicare rebate). After 666 points you collect a “Get-Out-of-Hell-Free” card. Do read the fine print on the Conditions, though, where it quietly reminds you (in Latin) that Rome has abolished Hell officially some time ago.

….and surely there’s no need to remind you of the 30 (or more) pieces of silver to be earned on Ebay if you’re blessed with a toasted-cheese sandwich with a Jesus or Mary face imprint on it…
On that score, don’t forget - FunkyPix2 can offer huge discounts on Jesus or Mary Cheese-Embossing tools ~ see our full-colour "Religious Gadgets" catalogue.

Self-portrait of FunkyPix2's CEO with bucks earned on Ebay.
Afterwards, I spent the $$ on hair-clippers so I could look more respectable.

Valued Reader, we invite you to check out some other of our relevant web-pages to do with paedophilia (pedophilia), the extremist conservative Australian Cardinal George Pell, Rome's abolition of the Latin Mass and the spiritual storm-in-a-teacup over the existence of Limbo.

13 November, 2006

ITER Project is dwarfed by latest New Zealand energy discovery

USA aerial surveillance claims it has proof that his prototype of a tryptonite-powered bus is being secretly trialled in New Zealand. The so-called "Greyhound Warrior" has concealed tanks of seawater in its roof.

A chunk of Tryptonite, the miracle mineral unique to New Zealand. A piece the size of a tea-cup, immersed in sea-water, is sufficient to power a bus for a week. In the process, the water becomes de-salinated and drinkable.

Auckland, January 4, 2009. The recently-discovered massive deposit of an energy-rich mineral called Tryptonite in New Zealand has been hailed as the solution to the world's oil shortage, far surpassing even the potential of the ITER nuclear fusion reactor being constructed in France.

Tryptonite, when soaked in sea-water, generates large amounts of electricity with negligible greenhouse emissions or chemical pollution. Afterwards Tryptonite is easily dried and reconstituted by exposure to sunshine and re-used several times to produce more energy before finally losing its potency. It may then be recycled as an effective degradable fertilizer which supports oxygen-producing microbes in the soil.

NZ President Hillun Clark has indicated that the unique mineral deposit should be placed under the control of the UN to be exported and shared with the world community. She said it could easily replace the the entire world's use of fossil fuels for the next several hundred years at least, and simultaneously solve the water shortage problem. As a reward, she suggested that NZ could be offered a permanent seat on the UN Security Council, with full veto powers.

However, today the USA has responded angrily by declaring New Zealand to be an extension of the Axis-of-Evil. US Secretary of Offence Arnold Schwarznegger insisted that France had been perfectly correct to sink the Rainbow Warrior. He said it was an admirable early example of the “pre-emptive strike”, one upon which the USA had modelled its successful foreign policy.

Mr Schwarznegger also emphasised that NZ’s anti-nuclear stance was an international disgrace and a severe provocation, and that the US would take whatever action was necessary to neutralize NZ’s aggressive destabalising terrorist influence. It had already surrounded NZ by 3 aircraft carriers and 2 nuclear submarines, and was threatening 'serious consequences'.

President Rice angrily denied that her sudden attention to New Zealand had been triggered by the recent discovery of Tryptonite, repeating that it was the threat of Terrorism which remained her focus:

"I know we're busy fighting wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, Venezuela, Bolivia, Ossetia, Sudan and Nicuragua, and Antarctica, but the American people are wise and we all can see the benefit of one more war in NZ... and I know this one will be very quick", Condi emphasised to the press gallery. "It will be code-named "Operation Shockin' Whore", she added.

President Rice hints at her diplomatic intentions toward NZ

A photo, recently de-classified, of what the CIA claims is a secret Tryptonite laboratory in the Wellington region back in 2008. These labs were concealed in in converted council buses around the country.