A chunk of Tryptonite, the miracle mineral unique to New Zealand. A piece the size of a tea-cup, immersed in sea-water, is sufficient to power a bus for a week. In the process, the water becomes de-salinated and drinkable.
Auckland, January 4, 2009. The recently-discovered massive deposit of an energy-rich mineral called Tryptonite in New Zealand has been hailed as the solution to the world's oil shortage, far surpassing even the potential of the ITER nuclear fusion reactor being constructed in France.
Tryptonite, when soaked in sea-water, generates large amounts of electricity with negligible greenhouse emissions or chemical pollution. Afterwards Tryptonite is easily dried and reconstituted by exposure to sunshine and re-used several times to produce more energy before finally losing its potency. It may then be recycled as an effective degradable fertilizer which supports oxygen-producing microbes in the soil.
NZ President Hillun Clark has indicated that the unique mineral deposit should be placed under the control of the UN to be exported and shared with the world community. She said it could easily replace the the entire world's use of fossil fuels for the next several hundred years at least, and simultaneously solve the water shortage problem. As a reward, she suggested that NZ could be offered a permanent seat on the UN Security Council, with full veto powers.
However, today the USA has responded angrily by declaring New Zealand to be an extension of the Axis-of-Evil. US Secretary of Offence Arnold Schwarznegger insisted that France had been perfectly correct to sink the Rainbow Warrior. He said it was an admirable early example of the “pre-emptive strike”, one upon which the USA had modelled its successful foreign policy.
Mr Schwarznegger also emphasised that NZ’s anti-nuclear stance was an international disgrace and a severe provocation, and that the US would take whatever action was necessary to neutralize NZ’s aggressive destabalising terrorist influence. It had already surrounded NZ by 3 aircraft carriers and 2 nuclear submarines, and was threatening 'serious consequences'.
President Rice angrily denied that her sudden attention to New Zealand had been triggered by the recent discovery of Tryptonite, repeating that it was the threat of Terrorism which remained her focus:
"I know we're busy fighting wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, Venezuela, Bolivia, Ossetia, Sudan and Nicuragua, and Antarctica, but the American people are wise and we all can see the benefit of one more war in NZ... and I know this one will be very quick", Condi emphasised to the press gallery. "It will be code-named "Operation Shockin' Whore", she added.
President Rice hints at her diplomatic intentions toward NZ
A photo, recently de-classified, of what the CIA claims is a secret Tryptonite laboratory in the Wellington region back in 2008. These labs were concealed in in converted council buses around the country.