29 April, 2007

Buddhism to be the STATE RELIGION in Thailand’s new Constitution? No thanks.

Thai people are well aware of the decline in the quality of their Buddhist practices. A Thai baker in Thailand’s Ratchaburi province baked these bread heads to make that very point.

These bread heads were intended to reflect the Buddhist philosophy of not believing in what you see as what you see might not be as true as you thought. It’s no wonder: Thailand’s growing laissez-faire capitalism and competitive consumerism is running increasingly counter to Therevada Buddhism’s minimalist asceticism and self-effacement.

It is therefore understandable that the response of some devout Thai people is to rescue their beloved Buddhism by pressing the Surayud government to declare it the national religion. It’s a form of panic, of being unable to think through the issue clearly enough to find a better solution. But any attempt to cement Buddhism’s status in that manner would certainly backfire badly, because it would increase symbolic division of the nation, especially given the mood of some among the Muslim community in the south. They, too, are Thai citizens.

(Even Stupid W. Bush might recognize the risks in declaring Shiite Islam as the official state religion of Iraq simply because Shiites constitute the majority.)

Merit-making activities can easily become hollow ritual, but their effects must both be felt in the heart and carried through to personal behaviour.

No, even from the point of view of guest foreign residents such as we, it is clear that Buddhism needs to clean up its own act. It must re-make itself purer from within, lift itself on its intrinsic Merit. The principles of “jai-dee” must be put into practice by the people, not just chanted in temples by monks. Current attempts to “sanctify” Buddhism and prop it up by entombing it in a secular constitution are doomed to failure – and increased sectarian strife. You can never legislate or impose Status: history teaches that separation of church and state is healthier for both.

Those who are trying to have Buddhism installed as the national religion are surely missing the point. They display an embarrassing lack of understanding of Buddhism’s basic principles. For a start, Buddhism isn’t even a religion as the word “religion” is commonly understood – it is a philosophy or way of life: Buddha is not a 'god'. Secondly, His Majesty the King is patron of all religions in Thailand …so shouldn’t that be the end of the matter?

These days, however, Buddhism looks for all the world like a “normal” religion, complete with the requisite temples, monks, rituals, statues, incense, and even superstitious ‘magic’ amulets, borrowed from Animism. Lottery ticket sellers lurk outside temples. Corruption and consumerism are rife, in contrast to King Rama IV’s ruling that no monk should own or carry more than the cost of a single meal on his person. Supplicants routinely pray for forgiveness or divine intercession from the Buddha to help pay the rent or fix the car. But the Buddha only taught spiritual self-reliance, ie taking responsibility for one’s own path in life. Statues of Buddha are stone-deaf to supplication about mundane matters like materialism. Statues are merely symbolic mirrors of the potential enlightenment within oneself, if one chooses to seek it.

The unpalatable truth is that some political figures in Thailand see this corrupted neo-Buddhism as a useful tool in getting and holding onto power. Monks have been assisted to mobilise en masse, for instance, in some recent political demonstrations.

Buddhism’s Achilles Heel, arguably, is that at grassroots level it teaches people to accept their present life circumstances in the hope that ritual
merit-making will improve things in one’s next incarnation. In other words, your miserable 7-day job cleaning drains is only the result of your bad habits in your previous lives, and (by implication) is not the fault of the government. It’s a mechanism called “blame-the-victim”.

Similarly, Emperor Constantine of ancient Rome saw political advantage in making Christianity the official religion of the Roman Empire. He understood clearly that Christianity’s submissive qualities would make it easier for him to control the people, especially the poor. People of political ambition in modern Thailand are ruthlessly doing the same thing, but poor farmers are unable to see anything except their immediate debt problems. That’s understandable, given their genuine financial plight, but it is potentially fatal as far as Buddhism is concerned. If Buddhism gets even sicker, then the delicate fabric of Thailand’s silken society will rapidly fray and tear apart.

Debt-ridden farmers are still protesting outside Bangkok’s government house. Thaksin let them down badly - as everyone except themselves predicted - and nothing has changed much yet. Recently, some have even considered re-locating to Laos, like refugees in reverse. Here’s more evidence of their angst.

If those mealy-mouthed power-seeking politicians were genuinely concerned about bringing true Buddhism back to the people, they would restore credibility by looking back to what the Buddha taught. And if followers of the Buddha truly understood Phra Buddha’s teachings, they would actively oppose this wrong move to entomb Buddhism in the new Thai constitution. Buddhism should never be placed in a position subservient to politics. If you are Buddhist, would you trust politicians to represent Buddha’s teachings? They are likely to walk all over it if they can score a quick baht. In your heart you surely must know that... so you should be examining your own agenda with honesty.

Danger, Thailand! This is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Mâi jai-dee leuy.

Buddha came from the wealthy ruling class but nevertheless learned that rank and possessions are not the real issue. There is no reason to assume the wealthy governing class should be better qualified to be the caretakers of Buddhism. Don’t ever let them take it from your grasp. This is strictly a matter between the historic Buddha and your private self:

If you look carefully, you can see at least 9 Buddhas-in-training in this scene from Xiengmai’s Night Bazaar. We can all aspire to become Buddhas if we choose, creating quiet spaces even in the throng of markets and materialism.

P.S. I’m only an armchair Buddhist – mainly an unrepentant Humanist – but regard all “-isms” as interesting windows into the Human Mind. I’m particularly fond of Buddhism and recognise its pivotal role in shaping the Thai psyche. That’s why FunkyPix2 is so critical of christian [sic] missionaries and their disrespectful cultural vandalism.

27 April, 2007

Snap, Crackle, and POPE! The case against rote-learning in Extremist Christian Training Camps in Australia

A young Christian fanatic at a training camp in Australia.

Shocking news has been leaked that extremist Christian operatives (including members of the subversive ‘Catholic’ sect with its cardinal ringleader George W. Pell) have been implicated in the indoctrination of young recruits in religious schools around Sydney.

These centres of radical Christian indoctrination are sometimes described benignly as ‘Sunday Schools’ or ‘Private Schools’ in order to deflect local media attention. With his avowed aim of world domination (“Conversion”), Pell forces his young trainees to recite prayers and doctrine from memory. Some youngsters have been taken (sometimes against their will) from middle-class homes and sent to boarding schools in remote outer suburbs, well away from Centrelink offices.

Shops like this harmless-looking fromagerie often serve as secret ‘fronts’ for
strict religious schools run with military precision by heavy-handed priests.

Via a secret agent in Sri Lanka, FunkyPix2 has obtained original scripts from some of these recruits. They reveal an alarming paucity of understanding of Christianity, let alone any grip on reality. The standard of future missionaries is set to collapse to an all-time low. Here we quote some examples from their school writing-slates:
In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night. Sampson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah. He slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.

Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The seventh commandment is Thou Shalt Not Admit Adultery.

Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.

Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistels were the wives of the apostles. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony

So that this sort of claptrap can be propagated even more, the Christian extremist Howard Government has now agreed that every Australian public(!) school will be eligible for $20,000 of your taxes to employ a chaplain “…provided that the government is happy with the choice of spiritual guidance provider”. Sounds like George W. Orwell, yes/no? (Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists or other suspicious dark-skinned people need not apply in John Ducklips Howard’s New Racist Australia). All this… and a school flagpole as well?? Partisan and divisive nationalist bullshit like this brings out the ranting evangelical atheist in me. AAAHHRRGGHH !!!

The spiritual figurehead of the Catholic Cult rarely makes a public appearance.

To prove Jeshua (Jesus's real name) never really died, his supporters spend all day trying to get 2mm camels through eyes of needles. No-one quite knows who benefits from the exercise, but hey, ain't nanotechnology fun?

Another leading light among Christians. Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyries, anyone? And why does he have an enormous bruise on his bum?

Christian extremists conduct secret annual ceremonies in the attempt to convince young recruits that it’s not really just a load of hocus-pocus crud.

Christian training camps allegedly teach recruits simulations of ghastly torture techniques. Bizarrely, on the day when they’re supposed to be well-behaved, recruits are expected to drink their leader’s blood and eat his body. Makes you wonder what they do on the other 6 days when they're at liberty to sin…

Sweet Jesus. Christ chocolafied on the cross.
At last, something to get the teeth into.

Homer in role as Jesus of Asparagus. Cartoons are used by unscrupulous 'terrevangelists' lure young trainees into extremist Christian training camps. Once inside, they gradually realise the awful Truth about doctrinal rubbish about virgin births, life after death, etc. The basic message these kids learn is "It's OK to continue the lies because we've been told to do it... it's our duty". The long-term outcome can be observed on occasions like the Abu Grahib trials.

Holy Molar! The X-ray of Turin. Fake? ...or fraud?
We report, you decide... FAHX NOOZE.

Now you can confess online at iGod, your own private chatroom with god. Go on, don’t be shy… tell her you screwed a sheep. God will reply in person in chatroom format.

.. iGod has been sponsored by Mr Mark L. Chucky, formerly of Canberra.

This blog has been a message from your local


24 April, 2007

John Ducklips Howard fiddles while Australia burns: Criminal Negligence?

Shopping in Sydney’s Sans Souci district in 30 years from now. At least you won’t have to worry about parking meters. A ridiculous scenario, you scoff?
Well, check this
NASA-Google Global Warming FLOOD-MAP. When it opens, look for Sans Souci (towards the bottom of the map), then click on “Sea Level Rise +14 metres” (the outcome of the melting of both Polar Caps).

Some aussies must get confused about this Global Warming thing. On one hand they’re routinely confronted with images of scary floods deeper than Noah’s, then the next minute John Ducklips Howard warns there’s a record drought with water rationing and looming food shortages.

Some images suggest dry and hot… and others the exact opposite.

A moment’s reflection plus some basic scientific information could quickly reconcile this apparent contradiction. Nevertheless, I wouldn’t be too surprised if Dopey Ducklips suggested cooling Global Warming by triggering a Nuclear Winter if he thought it meant more profits for his buddies in the stock-market:

"We'll all be rooned," said Howardrahan,
....In accents most forlorn,
Outside the church, ere Senate began,
....One dustbowl Sunday morn.

His candidates all stood about,
....Sweat dripping from their ears,
And talked of votes - just votes, not drought,
....As they had done for years.

"It's lookin’ cool," spake Malcolm T;
...."It’s not so cruke, me lad,
For now the dollar’s floating free
....Me portfolio's not so bad."

"It's dry, all right," sang Peter G,
....With which astute remark
He squatted down upon his knee
....And chewed a piece of bark.

And so around the chorus ran
...."It's keepin' dry, no doubt."
"But we'll all be rich,"
said Howardrahan,
...."Before the year is out."

........................................(with apologies to Mr
J. O’Brien)

Howard’s continued insane companyspeak about the economy (=corporate profits) being more important than the "unproven" threat of Climate Catastrophe is incredible not to mention criminally negligent, but not unexpected from such a right-wing extremist. (Does he still sleep OK at night?)

In the next breath Ducklips is giving a grim-reaper press conference, warning that Australia might soon need to buy food from overseas to survive. He’s not talking in terms of 5- or 10-year planning horizons, but 2 or 3 MONTHS. He remains so-o-o-o cool in the face of this self-inflicted Armageddon, that icicles wouldn't melt off his duck-beak. Ladies and Jellybeans, FunkyPix2 suggests you should proceed to

(...but remember – there’s a feral election later this year)

FunkyPix2’s Chiangmai agent gears up to export noodles to Australia.

If Australia is forced to buy food from overseas, market economics will dictate that food will be imported from the cheapest source – and that’s likely to be Asia, given its proximity. That will surely signal a major policy problem for Howard’s New Racist Australia. I’m sure some xenefoodic Australians (Species Homo Cronullis) won’t tolerate food produced by dirty scumbag Asians.

“I’d rather eat local cane-grubs”, one angry Townsville woman snorted. “You’d never bloody know what sorts of contaminated bloody tucker they might bloody send over here, eh. Youse can’t bloody trust no-one who ain’t no bloody Aussie, eh. They’re all bloody diseased over there, eh. Third-world country an' all that, eh.”

“Tucker” is Australian slang for food; “bloody” does not normally refer to blood but is a culturally prescribed meaningless adjective placed routinely before any noun or verb in order to establish one’s social dominance. The suffix "eh" is commonly applied due to lack of self-confidence about one's facts, and the desire to garner support from the listener.

The fact that many Australians (like we FunkyPixers) actually live in Asia, and haven’t yet died gruesome salmonella-riddled deaths, may have momentarily escaped the good lady’s attention.

Now, in true FunkyPix2 tradition, here are some nice pictures about the coming Climate Catastrophe for light family entertainment:

Howard's ill-informed weakling response to Climate Catastrophe

The same glacier in 1935 and 2005

The funniest picture of all: the Darling River at Mildura.

Ducklips feeling the heat?

P.S: The amazing NASA-Google flood-maps for the whole planet have a permanent place among the links on the right-hand side of your FunkyPix2 screen.

Why not check how your own city or town will cope when the polar caps melt. You can choose your continent, select a format of satellite photo or streetmap (or a hybrid of the two), zoom in to a town or street, then gradually flood it with up to 14 metres of water. This would be the depth if both polar caps were to melt entirely, as is already happening on both Earth and Mars.

23 April, 2007

Il n’y a pas de choix dans l’Election française: pour éviter une désastre, il vous faudra choisir Ségolène Royal à tout prix!

Monsieur Sarkozy amene la France dans une direction dangerueuse à l’extrême

Sans doute, la plupart des gens ne comprennent guerre les implications affreux d’installer Nicholas Sarkozy comme votre président.

Une victoire pour la droite serait à la fois un retour au passé et aussi à un futur sous la contrôle des grandes corporations. Dangereux. J’habite la Thailande et l’Australie où les populations sont devenues très fatigueés des politiciens de la droite. De nos jours le reste du monde se tourne rapidement à gauche parce qu’on peut voir sans difficulté les attitudes aggressives adoptées par George W. Bush, John Howard, Thaksin, Blair etc. Mais la France semble continuer aveuglement dans une direction contraire à la reste du monde – sauf peut-être la Malaysie, le Pakistan etc. Je voudrais bien voir une France qui s’appuy vers la justice sociale, en montrant égalité vrai, et ça ne peux jamais se passer sous Sarkozy. Je vous assure, le monde vous respectera plus si vous électerez Mme Royal.
Prière d’excuser mon français drôle.

22 April, 2007

Pope abolishes LIMBO at last. FunkyPix2 real estate developers snatch up a bargain

This is the version of Hell with which Thai people are threatened. Here Thai robbers and bribers are tortured by guardians then eaten by dogs (note that one of the victims is a policeman). In their next life they will be poor. See more gratuitous pix here. Incidentally, some scenes from the west are just as gory.
If you half-close your eyes the Thai word for ‘Hell’ นรก vaguely resembles ‘USA’.

God never mentioned “Limbo” in the Bible. She never wrote it into the catholic catechism. Jeshua (Jesus’s real Jewish name) would have looked sideways at you if you’d mentioned “Limbo”. But catholic popes in their superior wisdom have insisted (since the 13th century) that Limbo EXISTS, that it is a physical place where dead un-baptized babies and abortions live until Judgement Day.

The doctrinal wheels of the church turn at snail’s pace – at ..l..o..n..g ..last Benedict has made good his threat/promise to abolish Limbo. He now asserts that it has never existed, which is another way of admitting the church made a mistake. Er, change that to “told a big fat LIE”… a rare ecclesiastical event indeed... and any small admissions of guilt are to be applauded, of course. Gets 'em in practice for the BIG ones.
Get the original popespeak at Catholic News Service.

So - was it a god who lied? Or was it a pope? Even pope John-Paul II continued the lie about Limbo. Shouldn’t that instantly disqualify him from sainthood?

This geologically slow move to ‘abolish’ limbo represents an uncomfortable squirming by generations of Serial Liars, teetering uncomfortably between plausible deniability and undeniable implausibility. It’s like choosing death by either the sword or the dagger. Limbo is still in the church’s too-hard-basket: they’re basically saying “We still don’t really know”. They’re assuming that god in her wisdom may provide an answer sometime in the future – preferably during the reign of the NEXT pope. The appeal to "Faith" is always the fallback when unable to worm out of tight situations created by attempts to fix old lies with new ones.

Meanwhile, this is a good marketing ploy to keep wavering catholics on board because it makes them feel less guilty about their un-baptized children, still-borns and abortions… the ever-comforting Celestial Teddy-Bear principle kicks in again. Meanwhile, catholic hypocrites fuss about aborting insensate foetuses whilst ignoring the very real suffering of already-born children dying every 8 seconds from water-borne diseases.

Some time ago, when there was talk of Limbo being abolished, FunkyPix2 put in a tender to convert it into a top-end Resort. But the Humanitarian in us has prevailed over the Commercial - we now want to purchase Limbo as a refugee centre for homeless young souls. Souls of un-baptized children, now that Benedict has heartlessly taken away their home, have few options for residence… they have become bona fide refugees. They can no longer live in either Limbo OR Hell because both have been officially abolished by the Vatican. There are few celestial places left open to them except maybe Purgatory. But Purgatory’s not an option either, because technically they haven't yet had enough time to sin, therefore need no purging. So the Private Sector has to come to the rescue again... bloody typical.

As a soul occupies relatively little heavenly disk-space, we suggest that the proposed LIMBO REFUGEE CENTRE be made available to the souls of animals as well. For the catholic church to claim that animals have no souls is biased in the extreme. You may recall that white people once believed that black people had no souls either, because that had been the line fed to them by the churches. This is extremist Species-ism, to be denounced by all good citizens of FunkyPix2.

Could you seriously claim that this baboon has
less of a soul than John Dubya Ducklips Howard?

For nearly 2000 years, Limbo has been home to zillions of young human souls, so it must be well-plumbed, and have good residential infrastructure. Its hospitals could easily be adapted to vetinary procedures. Yes, Limbo will henceforth be dedicated to both children and animals – they'd keep good company and play together in good humour. After all, can you imagine the misery of having to be the matron/patron in charge of 4000 trillion bored whinging kids for ETERNITY? Whoa, gimme a break.

As Limbo will henceforth be under new management, application must be made to FunkyPix2 on the following form:

…hey, and another thing:

Pope John-Paul II ruled that Hell doesn’t exist as a physical place but exists only “in the mind”, the pain caused by separation from god. In fact the honorable pope lied yet again: the Bible is quite explicit about the eternity and the pains of Hell, viz:

Revelations says the torments of the damned shall last forever and ever. Jeshua said, of Judas that (Matthew 26:24): "it were better for him, if that man had not been born." God says of the damned (Isaiah 66:24; Mark 9:43, 45, 47): "Their worm shall not die, and their fire shall not be quenched." The fire of hell is repeatedly called "eternal and unquenchable." Many of the martyrs claimed that they were glad to suffer pain of brief duration in order to escape the eternal torments of Hell. Jeshua often tried to terrify people into belief by threats of eternal torment. He actively promoted the existence of a fiery hell, a commonly held superstition of the time. Messiahs on every street corner threatened folks with Hell-fire.

FunkyPix2 presents photographic proof that Hell DOES exist:

Again, either god lied OR the pope lied about Hell not existing.


It’s also clear that Global Warming was a direct result of the pope’s botched attempt to abolish Hell – the heat had to go somewhere… it’s a law of physics I learned in high school… “Heat cannot be lost, only transferred”. QED. Vatican to pay for Kyoto2?

FP2 announces two more great items to add to our popular


(see more in this previous article):

This fabulous Online Prayer Helmet puts you in direct ADSL communion with the god of your choice*

Features the popular ‘Find-a-Deity’ Search Engine. Note: at peak times (eg Sundays) you may be re-directed to an assistant who will relay your voicemail.
*assumes you have a “Spheres” brand modem - not included.

The ingenious Two-way Bicycle allows a quick change of direction simply by reverse-pedaling.

Was a huge sellout item during the pope's visit to Turkey.


I’m not a naughty boy, I’m your local Messiah, brought to you by the friendly folks at FunkyPix2 …but you probably won’t believe me... damned deadshits. Go to Hell, losers (lol).