22 April, 2007

Pope abolishes LIMBO at last. FunkyPix2 real estate developers snatch up a bargain

This is the version of Hell with which Thai people are threatened. Here Thai robbers and bribers are tortured by guardians then eaten by dogs (note that one of the victims is a policeman). In their next life they will be poor. See more gratuitous pix here. Incidentally, some scenes from the west are just as gory.
If you half-close your eyes the Thai word for ‘Hell’ นรก vaguely resembles ‘USA’.

God never mentioned “Limbo” in the Bible. She never wrote it into the catholic catechism. Jeshua (Jesus’s real Jewish name) would have looked sideways at you if you’d mentioned “Limbo”. But catholic popes in their superior wisdom have insisted (since the 13th century) that Limbo EXISTS, that it is a physical place where dead un-baptized babies and abortions live until Judgement Day.

The doctrinal wheels of the church turn at snail’s pace – at ..l..o..n..g ..last Benedict has made good his threat/promise to abolish Limbo. He now asserts that it has never existed, which is another way of admitting the church made a mistake. Er, change that to “told a big fat LIE”… a rare ecclesiastical event indeed... and any small admissions of guilt are to be applauded, of course. Gets 'em in practice for the BIG ones.
Get the original popespeak at Catholic News Service.

So - was it a god who lied? Or was it a pope? Even pope John-Paul II continued the lie about Limbo. Shouldn’t that instantly disqualify him from sainthood?

This geologically slow move to ‘abolish’ limbo represents an uncomfortable squirming by generations of Serial Liars, teetering uncomfortably between plausible deniability and undeniable implausibility. It’s like choosing death by either the sword or the dagger. Limbo is still in the church’s too-hard-basket: they’re basically saying “We still don’t really know”. They’re assuming that god in her wisdom may provide an answer sometime in the future – preferably during the reign of the NEXT pope. The appeal to "Faith" is always the fallback when unable to worm out of tight situations created by attempts to fix old lies with new ones.

Meanwhile, this is a good marketing ploy to keep wavering catholics on board because it makes them feel less guilty about their un-baptized children, still-borns and abortions… the ever-comforting Celestial Teddy-Bear principle kicks in again. Meanwhile, catholic hypocrites fuss about aborting insensate foetuses whilst ignoring the very real suffering of already-born children dying every 8 seconds from water-borne diseases.

Some time ago, when there was talk of Limbo being abolished, FunkyPix2 put in a tender to convert it into a top-end Resort. But the Humanitarian in us has prevailed over the Commercial - we now want to purchase Limbo as a refugee centre for homeless young souls. Souls of un-baptized children, now that Benedict has heartlessly taken away their home, have few options for residence… they have become bona fide refugees. They can no longer live in either Limbo OR Hell because both have been officially abolished by the Vatican. There are few celestial places left open to them except maybe Purgatory. But Purgatory’s not an option either, because technically they haven't yet had enough time to sin, therefore need no purging. So the Private Sector has to come to the rescue again... bloody typical.

As a soul occupies relatively little heavenly disk-space, we suggest that the proposed LIMBO REFUGEE CENTRE be made available to the souls of animals as well. For the catholic church to claim that animals have no souls is biased in the extreme. You may recall that white people once believed that black people had no souls either, because that had been the line fed to them by the churches. This is extremist Species-ism, to be denounced by all good citizens of FunkyPix2.

Could you seriously claim that this baboon has
less of a soul than John Dubya Ducklips Howard?

For nearly 2000 years, Limbo has been home to zillions of young human souls, so it must be well-plumbed, and have good residential infrastructure. Its hospitals could easily be adapted to vetinary procedures. Yes, Limbo will henceforth be dedicated to both children and animals – they'd keep good company and play together in good humour. After all, can you imagine the misery of having to be the matron/patron in charge of 4000 trillion bored whinging kids for ETERNITY? Whoa, gimme a break.

As Limbo will henceforth be under new management, application must be made to FunkyPix2 on the following form:

…hey, and another thing:

Pope John-Paul II ruled that Hell doesn’t exist as a physical place but exists only “in the mind”, the pain caused by separation from god. In fact the honorable pope lied yet again: the Bible is quite explicit about the eternity and the pains of Hell, viz:

Revelations says the torments of the damned shall last forever and ever. Jeshua said, of Judas that (Matthew 26:24): "it were better for him, if that man had not been born." God says of the damned (Isaiah 66:24; Mark 9:43, 45, 47): "Their worm shall not die, and their fire shall not be quenched." The fire of hell is repeatedly called "eternal and unquenchable." Many of the martyrs claimed that they were glad to suffer pain of brief duration in order to escape the eternal torments of Hell. Jeshua often tried to terrify people into belief by threats of eternal torment. He actively promoted the existence of a fiery hell, a commonly held superstition of the time. Messiahs on every street corner threatened folks with Hell-fire.

FunkyPix2 presents photographic proof that Hell DOES exist:

Again, either god lied OR the pope lied about Hell not existing.


It’s also clear that Global Warming was a direct result of the pope’s botched attempt to abolish Hell – the heat had to go somewhere… it’s a law of physics I learned in high school… “Heat cannot be lost, only transferred”. QED. Vatican to pay for Kyoto2?

FP2 announces two more great items to add to our popular


(see more in this previous article):

This fabulous Online Prayer Helmet puts you in direct ADSL communion with the god of your choice*

Features the popular ‘Find-a-Deity’ Search Engine. Note: at peak times (eg Sundays) you may be re-directed to an assistant who will relay your voicemail.
*assumes you have a “Spheres” brand modem - not included.

The ingenious Two-way Bicycle allows a quick change of direction simply by reverse-pedaling.

Was a huge sellout item during the pope's visit to Turkey.


I’m not a naughty boy, I’m your local Messiah, brought to you by the friendly folks at FunkyPix2 …but you probably won’t believe me... damned deadshits. Go to Hell, losers (lol).

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