20 March, 2007

It’s the VATICAN which keeps causing Italy's governments to crash

Romano Prodi’s government is down again, with all the air let out of his political balloon. But WAIT! He’s back… as he knew he would be. Welcome to the revolving door concept of Italian politics. Today, the FunkyPix2 team investigates why this is so ...and names the VILLAIN of the piece.

We in the west owe a lot to the Treaty of Westphalia back in 1648. It gave the world the concept of the ‘sovereignty of the nation state’, granting states identity independent of the church. That thinking has become part of modern reality for most countries – except Italy. Why?

Coiled in the heart of Rome lies the Vatican, also an independent state. But precisely because Italy is host to the Papacy, it has never achieved true independence as a country. Hence the
constant instability of its ‘revolving door’ governments. The Vatican plays with Italy like a puppet, a cat with a captive mouse. Its doctrinal grip on the hearts and minds of Italy is suffocating.

For instance, it was two pro-Vatican conservative MPs who brought down Prodi’s government recently. Prodi’s "sin"? Attempting to bring in a law to legalise civil unions – including same sex marriage. Media reports, of course, immediately focused attention and cameras on two Communist no-votes, pinning blame on them for voting against keeping troops in Iraq. But in reality, that had long been expected - it was those two unexpected pro-Vatican abstentions which sank Prodi’s government, not the foreign policy issue.


So the latest scoreline reads Vatican 1, Italy 0. Prodi has been forced to dump the civil unions legislation in order to retain his fragile coalition. Italy remains manacled in the chains of the Middle Ages, while the rest of us get on with the 21st century.

Click to read more detail about Italy’s latest parliamentary crisis.

Church attendances have been plummeting lately, so there are many under-employed clergy looking for things to bless, save, convert etc. This pooch is clearly unimpressed.

Archbishop Ratzinger reveals his latest 'boy toy': his personalised Sony "Dial-a-Vote" machine. It holds millions of bank account numbers and dodgy recorded confessionals. Are you suddenly fearful? FunkyPix2's online shop has your salvation - see the Classifieds at the end of this article for your counter-papacy electronic protection devices equipped with Auto-Bless.

Prime Minister Prodi might have to consider installing roadsigns like this on the streets of Rome approaching the Vatican.

The Vatican has dogged Italian politics for centuries.

The pope is greeted by ecstatic fans after the big match against Prodi United. There was a wild Pontiff Party to celebrate.
"My shout", saith Benedict with unholy glee.

These nuns (below) were photographed in a secret training camp deep in the Vatican's steamy jungles. Each of them is independently solving the logic of the maze... they're not just following each other like sheep, OK? The pope depends on undercover agents like these to ensure god's will be done in parliament as it is in the Vatican. It's just an extension of normal undercover missionary work:

These gentle ladies manage to adopt a more persuasive argument whenever there's heretical legislation to be voted down. Once they've done their electoral duty, the nuns can take solace in the Vatican's contemplative Teargarden with some scones and tea. Or pasta. Whatever. Then it's off to Confession and Bingo.

But would you believe there are actually some detractors? Only a few, mind you. Some of these ridiculous opponents of the pope attempt to paint him as ruthless, one-eyed, lying, two-faced, evil, conniving, sneaky, interfering, out of touch with reality, malevolent, machiavellian, bigoted, woefully inadequate, weak-willed, confused, malleable, a yes-man, racist, anti-christ, backslider, fallen angel, misogynist, etc. Of course, this is all baloney.

After hours, the pope likes to play dress-up and play fantasy games to take his over-burdened mind off the pressure of his day-job. Here he practises a harmless salute and burping loudly while wearing a rubber bull-suit, all just for fun. Aw jeez, a guy's gotta have at least a little cathartic outlet, ain't he? Getcha bleedin' camera outa me face, arselick!

Mark Twain was a registered member of FunkyPix2. He was a master of inventing new lies to cover older lies, but was honest enough to admit it.

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For those moments you need to chew over those dicey questions in Sunday School.

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Get your own halo-phones and be the coolest dude on your block. Automatically translates those raunchy Bette Midler songs into your choice of Latin, Hebrew, or Greek so you don't have to be corrupted.

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They'll be so funky through your halo-phones, man.

Queenex Marywipes – guaranteed to cut through the toughest grease and blood stains under your statue’s eyes. Just add holy water and wipe!

Keep up with the Jonses! You can publically prove your penitence and flagellation credentials with this super fun Rosary. Matches the chains hanging from your old faded jeans.

The up-to-the-minute trend! Chocolate baptisms. Hand these round afterwards as you use your Queenex Marywipes to clean the baby's head.

...then celebrate with a pallet of your favourite drink. Tastes best out of solid gold Baptism Chalices. Guaranteed not to dissolve much gold.

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