30 March, 2007

FunkyPix2 announces temporary shut-down of the Internet for cleaning

This is hospital bed, used by a long-term Internet addict, is believed
to have been the source of the Computer Avian Flu epidemic.

Following the panic announcement that the Avian flu virus is affecting Linux computer operating systems, FunkyPix2 and Microsoft remind readers that the internet will be closed for 24 hours on April 1. Merely booting up your computer tomorrow will almost certainly result in your hard drive being wiped.

The entire Web will be closed down for spring cleaning, so get your Ebay bids in a day earlier. The Internet will be thoroughly disinfected with spray, then oiled for extra speed. FunkyPix2 and Bill Gates regret any inconvenience to users. Internet Security levels will be raised to Yellow Alert for the day in case of terrrrist raids on your cookies:

The Linux Operating System is particularly vulnerable to Bird Flu viruses because of its close association with Penguins. FunkyPix2 Laboratories are urgently manufacturing large quantities of Computer Avian flu vaccine suitable for cross-platforms. The computer flu strain has evolved rapidly, having spread from hard drives from Turkey to the Canary Islands in a matter of minutes.

The alleged WWWeb addict was caught on CCTV footage with his early model hand-held, walking out of hospital before the viral threat had been fully identified by authorities. This dangerous man is still at large, armed with a deadly triple-click assault mouse.

Mobile devices, such as this early model solar-powered iPod (below) are thought to be a particular threat in the spread of Computer flu:

Internet Police have traced the Computer Bird flu virus to this work-station in the Canary Islands. . .

…and another at Eagle Rock, Texas. . .

…and to this slow-speed ..k..e..y..b..o..a..r..d ..in North Queensland:

Office workers are getting nervous and jumpy. . .

...and highly StREsSeD . . .

...and even laptop-users at home are stressed.

Stress about the Computer Bird Flu epidemic is inducing some odd anti-social behaviours.

This ergonomic keyboard designed for internet pirates will no doubt help spread Computer flu rapidly.

However, the Information Highway on Bangladesh's homepage bajajcity.com still remains safe but severely limited in bandwidth. Bangladeshi authorities are not taking the Computer Avian Flu threat seriously enough ("Avian" translates as "FUN" in Bangladeshi).

...and networks in Afghanistan's war zones are getting far too little support to protect themselves safely or carry the increasing traffic:

For the [rare] anally-retentive reader of FunkyPix2 who is interested in weird toilets, visit our photo gallery of the World Toilet Expo in Bangkok.

Get your supply of Heart Attack pills from FunkyPillz.com

No comments:

Post a Comment