02 March, 2007

Prince Charles thinks McDONALDS Big Mac burgers should be banned

Contrary to common belief, Prince Charles HAS actually eaten a Big Mac.
FunkyPix2 leaks the damning photographic evidence censored by Buckingham Palace.

In a further symptom of the rift between England and the USA, Prince Charles has made disparaging comments about the nutritional value of Big Macs during a recent tour of the Middle East.

He suggested to the Saudi Royal Family that a ban on McDonalds would be a good start. He and Camilla appeared embarrassed (if not a little distressed) when a Big Mac was offered to them.

"I've never actually seen one of these!", he remarked to his Saudi hosts. (However, readers of FunkyPix2 now realize that was yet another royal porkie. So does his Saudi host: check the body language).

The Saudi incident has outraged Condosleazy Rice, who yesterday threatened to bomb England back to the stonehenge age. The ever-flamboyant State Dept spokeswoman Mrs P. Kermit said it was clearly a provocative slur to the entire cultural roots of the USA, and should not go unpunished.

Thousands of insulted American tourists yesterday gathered outside Buckingham Palace, protesting the Prince’s anti-McDonalds comments. They chanted “Charles is un-american”. Some said such blasphemy was worthy of immediate pre-emptive invasion. Sauce bombs or sanctions, whatever.

Mrs Kermit pointed out that Prince Charles held commercial interests in casting doubt over McDonalds products because he runs an organic food company “Duchy Originals” based in his Highgrove Estate property. He also has connections to the upmarket London department store Fortnum & Mason’s which serves as grocers to the royal family.

Prince Charles ridicules a McNugget: “Do you Yanks call this "food"?”

After being coaxed into tasting a McNugget, the Prince made a dash for his nearby organic Royal Porta-Loo which always acccompanies him on international safaris ("just in case"):

“The burgers are better at Hungry Jack’s”, he quipped afterwards.
("Harry told me so... mm, er, yeah, it was Harry ...for sure").

The future king is promoting his new product line, the McCrown Burger, an organic baguette stuffed with horseradish cream-slathered roast rib of Aberdeen Angus beef from the Prince’s own Highgrove organic farm.

Ms Kermit pointed out inconsistencies in the Prince’s alleged “green” credentials. She claimed he ordered six boiled eggs every morning, then selected the two which were “just right”, rejecting the rest. Ms Kermit sneered:
“That’s wasteful - he should consider the starving thousands in New Orleans”.

Charles retorted: “I say, old chum, the US gorilla only got to weigh 600 frigging pounds by eating too many damned Big Macs, eh what pip pip?”. He told Ms Kermit to
“…go lose some weight yourself, ya fat p*g”.

But Ms Kermit argued that the Prince was full of horse sh*t, as his company’s Cornish Pasty was less healthy than a Big Mac, whipping out this cool PowerPoint chart as damning eveidence:

Mrs Kermit also claimed the Prince’s “McCorgi Burger” was not only tasteless but dangerously carcinogenic. “Why not re-name it the McAbdicate burger, asswipe?” she suggested sweetly.

Viewer polls suggest that the USA has prevailed in this first round of diplomatic talks.

Later in his tour of the Middle East, Charles visited British troops in Basra, Iraq. He quickly managed to persuade them that continuing to support the American War was now a counter-productive exercise, and they should immediately declare victory and withdraw. He handed round complimentary McCrown burgers and a free cup of promotional English tea, with a cheery "See you at home, pip pip!"

Then in another dramatically flamboyant entrance, Mrs Kermit re-appeared out of nowhere during the Prince’s Iraq meet-and-greet, accusing him and screaming “Ya two-faced snake-oil merchant, you imported that tea from your child labour tea plantations in India! You’re a #!*# PRAT!”.

She was arrested by military police, who would not comment on how Ms Kermit may have slipped through Basra’s tight security checkpoints. She is now jailed in the Guantanamo pig-pen-itentiary.

The future King Charles and Queen Camilla arrive back in London to rapturous applause from the remaining 234 hardline Royalists, all of whom have apparently been offered shares in Fortnum & Mason (Foodhalls) Pty Ltd.

Neigh, tell me t'is not so. Who the fox, and who the hunted?

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