Obama vs Osama: the final round

 A new rising CEO on Wall Street forecasts Green Shoots:
"Just call me Al. Hey buddy, would you like a bit of - you know - poppy?
It might help you to remember all those innocent Afghani citizens."

Obama claimed that the war in Afghanistan was to "disrupt, dismantle and defeat" Al Quaeda. Well, that's been achieved already - they're not there anymore. So why not simply declare victory and bring the troops home?

Reducing the war effort might afford the opportunity to adapt infrastructure
towards more profitable ventures - so Americans can get decent health care.
Hmm... imagine this golf-hotel parked off Tokyo...BIG $$

Repeat: Al Quaeda isn't in Afghanistan any more - they've moved to Pakistan. So yet again the U Ass of A is fighting its war in the wrong country:

Time is running out and the war is spiralling out of control for Bush's ill-judged occupation of Afghanistan. Why do leaders in the West take so LONG to admit that there's an elephant in the room? Surely Obama and Brown recognize the reasons for the long history of military failures in Afghanistan.

There's a middle-eastern proverb: "It's me and my brother against my cousin... but it's me and my cousin against a foreigner". If Obama sends another 40,000 troops it will merely serve to further unite all Afghans against the West. Then when the West finally retreats due to sheer attrition and exhausted military budgets, a new generation of Afghan warlords will resume their traditional feuding. Attempting to fight that is like trying to herd cats: power structures have always been like that in Afghanistan. Afghans will never swallow democracy as we want to imagine it. Imposing one's own cultural practices and ideas onto someone else's country is known as Colonisation.
Mr Obama, please do the moral thing... and very soon.

Historians will write that the decision by Obama whether or not to send the extra 40,000 troops represented a pivotal point in the history of the American Empire, both financially and psychologically. For a start, the more ducks you parade in a shooting gallery, the more hits there are likely to be. Besides, sending any troops would sure make a mockery of his shiny new Nobel Peace Prize.

This isn't a war about military superiority, it's a war about attrition, and as predicted, that is already proving to be America's Achilles Heel. War doesn't determine who is right; war determines who is left. Bin Laden would be absolutely delighted if Obama sent more ducks-in-uniform and wasted even more of America's dwindling war chest in the process. Indeed, Afghanistan is becoming a highly successful decoy, distracting attention from the main event - Pakistan's vulnerable nuclear fuel.

As a world citizen, it would be less than responsible to unilaterally support either Obama OR Osama. As my blog is published on the Internet, a medium which is still largely Euro-centric, I'd like to redress the inevitable cultural imbalance a little by doing a brief flashback to an article I wrote back during the 2007 Australian election. It attempts to observe  the West through a less western prism by historically comparing Osama bin Laden with Jesus (this link will open in a new window for your convenience).

Here are some more photos which should be self-explanatory:

America's Secret New Weapon in Afghanistan

Concept by Alan Kayder Defence Corporation. Production by Haliburton (China)

I listened to some American financial news on CNN today.
Objectively, this is how I heard it:

"...and heerr is the nooze owda Wahl Street. Frahm Oss-trell-ya to Iddly eern Japeern, stahk mahrr-kets arre in a staid of shark eerfta the gumment released the laydess Consooma Cahnfidence fig-you-rz showing a toadally ah-sum thirdy-fahve perr sayant drahp in a single twenny-fourr hourr perriod. A Wide House spokesperrson cahmended thayat the cars was doo to a brudle prahpageernda baddle being fart on the Innernet bah cerdain eerndi-Cabidalist eerndi-Amerrkin Errubic parrdeez in Eye-rack, Pekisteern eernd Eerfghanisteern. Nahd even doo-ring the Bush Error wz therre everr search a meersive single fahl, despite that sayad tahm when Prsdnt Bush eercidentally ahdud Naydo to balm Noo Yark siddy. Sharp-keepers from Et-lenna to Bwahston ahl say thayat sales have plummedded: "Oh my guard, it's ebsolutely sharking... Folks ain't harrdly bart nuthin' today - it's a hawrrible prahblem frurse, eern ahm real whirried", cahmplained a worrkerr in a Florrrda drerg-storre. "Obeerma godda chayanj Amerrkin for-rn pahlsee, eernd also repayerr the Feral Social Securiddy lahs so we cayan ahl hayav serm prahsperridy ayat layast. Whaa, even impahverished Asian coundries like Thai-layan arre ahbviously bedder ahf thayan erse. We jess cain't kerry ahn!"

George Dubya Bush's new career: shoe salesman

After being targeted by thousands of shoes during his retirement, George Bush has finally discovered his true niche - going into business disguised as a holy Hindu Sadhu.

Truth be known, it was a well-aimed stiletto heel striking him smack between the eyes which made him realise the error of his dubm ways. Instead of faking it as an illiterate mouthpiece president, he has now collected enough stock to sell shoes through a globalized shoe-vending machine empire. Ain't Capitalism great? He wuz right!

I'm already getting impatient for Congress's anticipated Shoe Bailout

Ironically, business has never looked better for the manufacturer of the shoes which were thrown at Bush. That shoe was called the "Ducati Model 271", since cunningly re-named the "Bush Shoe".

---

Spot the Difference in the photo below.
After Bush, the American eagle has changed forever:

Do you harbour a secret desire to throw a variety of OTHER objects at Bush as well as shoes? You simply HAVE to see this video (opens in a new window). Go on - you know you want to.

And please do have a shot at the Sock and Awe game currently being played by millions. Arr, it's so cathartic. I wish you good aim and a high score, FunkyPixers.

Heads you win, Tails I lose: Moore on the Financial Crisis

Beware. American car makers are not what they seem to be. Nothing is what it seems to be.

The world is trapped in an end-game financial meltdown, a suffocating glass box from which there is no obvious escape route. But in truth it is a glass box of the world's own making. We could have avoided it if FunkyPix2's liberal advice over many years had been followed (eg, here, here , or here). Instead, the Rich continue to devise ways by which to get even richer, always at the expense of the Poor. No better example could be found than the recent decision not to bail out the US car-makers.

Michael Moore is right on the money (pun intended) in his latest newsletter where he slams the recent rejection of the US rescue package for the car makers. Moore is sometimes regarded by right-wingers as an over-zealous liberal leftie, so I'm sometimes hesitant to be seen as a mouthpiece for him. However, this time he could not have put it more succinctly when he wrote:

They could have given the loan on the condition that the automakers start building only cars and mass transit that reduce our dependency on oil.

They could have given the loan on the condition that the automakers build cars that reduce global warming.

They could have given the loan on the condition that the automakers withdraw their many lawsuits against state governments in their attempts to not comply with our environmental laws.

They could have given the loan on the condition that the management team which drove these once-great manufacturers into the ground resign and be replaced with a team who understands the transportation needs of the 21st century.

Yes, they could have given the loan for any of these reasons because, in the end, to lose our manufacturing infrastructure and throw 3 million people out of work would be a catastrophe.

But instead, the Senate said, we'll give you the loan only if the factory workers take a $20 an hour cut in wages, pension and health care. That's right. After giving BILLIONS to Wall Street hucksters and criminal investment bankers -- billions with no strings attached and, as we have since learned, no oversight whatsoever -- the Senate decided it is more important to break a union, more important to throw middle class wage earners into the ranks of the working poor than to prevent the total collapse of industrial America.

................ An impoverished CEO does it tough on Main St.

The recent riots in Greece are symptomatic of the public's view of the way wealthy elites are screwing the world. Make no mistake, the death of the 15 year-old boy in Athens was merely the trigger for the riots. The real cause was a much deeper disaffection with imbalances in society... and unless these unfairnesses are soon sorted out more equitably, trouble will certainly spread further afield, and crime rates will soar. People without jobs still have to eat, as they already know in Zimbabwe. The wealthy corporate Status Quo will scornfully label it "Revolution" and call out the riot squad and the media (which they control). And they will get away with it again and again unless ordinary people lose their apathy:

Unless everyday people like you, me, and Dilbert take a principled stand against Globalisation, nothing will improve. To rich people, the profit motive and immediate gratification override everything else. Laboratory rats, given a choice between nutritious food or white sugar, will persist in eating the white sugar until they die of malnutrition.

---

With all this in mind, let FunkyPix2 cynically offer some novel car-making ideas to the Big Three...

If you're seeking to stimulate new markets, why not colonize oceans?
After all, water covers 2/3 of the world's surface,
so cooling the engine will no longer be a big deal.

...and likewise outer space. No need to worry about CO2 emmissions
as space is full of the stuff anyway.
Aw heck, if all else fails, resort to pure sex-appeal to boost slumping sales.
Here's my prototype for the new Ford SXE:

See another FunkyPix2 photo gallery of truly quirky vehicles here (opens in a new window).

Finally...an Israeli talking common sense about Gaza

Larry Derfner's article in the Jerusalem Post is a fall of rain in the (literal) desert of the Middle East. Larry can see that the emperor really doesn't have any clothes, and has the courage to say so. Here's his opening paragraph:

We have to change the way we think about Gaza, we have to change the way we act, we have to stop bashing Gazans around as mindlessly and automatically as we do. Israel's war with Gaza has to be the most one-sided war on earth, and it is causing tremendous unnecessary suffering to people there, it's putting Israeli soldiers and civilians in unnecessary danger, and it is leading Israel toward a big, bloody invasion that will get a lot of people on both sides killed for nothing.

At last ! a moderate Israeli who understands that co-operation and negotiation represent the only solution for the Middle East:

..........................................Teamwork

But of course Israeli nationalist right wing hawks swarm like angry ants at the first sign of compromise. Here a selection of their brain-washed facile responses for your inspection, Dear Thinking Reader:

*Why, it's simple you are 100% wrong 100% of the time. We should truly disengage ourselves. Meaning close the border to ALL traffic, turn off the power and water. Then whenever any attack comes our way return 100,000 artillery rounds. We will have peace one way or another.

*Solution...Post signs at all Hamas/Gaza weapons smuggle tunnels limiting all future use to bringing only UN food.....if that doesn't work...nuke 'em !!!

*The proper response to continued attack from Gaza would be to take territory permanently away from the Hamas occupiers. Lets start at the north west border fo Gaza and for each missle, morter or incursion from Gaza a 100 meter wide section of the country, from the sea to the opposite side of the strip is occupied, bulldozed down to bedrock and the rubble thrown into the sea. If the owners of the buildings want to remain in them, fine. Bulldoze them under as well. Eventually you will have one of two conditions. Either the whole of the strip is gone, or the muslims learn that war is costly.

Dear Reader, I leave you to draw your own considered and detached conclusions.

(Do you remember when Israeli bulldozers callously crushed Palestinians to death as they slept at Jenin?)

"Ah cain't fergit the horrrr of them chahpers in 'Nam. Jest werrrn't worrrth it."

Many hotels here in Thailand refuse to accept people presenting Israeli passports. Malaysia refuses to allow Israelis into the country at all.

...... Choose your own caption to the above photo:

...... [a] ..The UN Assembly voting (yet again) to condemn Israel's violence

...... [b]...Republicans voting to condemn the UN

...... [b] ..Hungry Gazan citizens begging for bread and water

.................

---

I have composed a piece for string orchestra about the reconciliation process between Israel and Palestine. Oddly enough, it's entitled Reconciliation. It's hosted on MySpace Music here: this link will open conveniently in a new window. Once you're in MySpace, you can read my program notes if you click the 'Lyrics' link (even after the music has started). Crank up the volume slider control to the max before you begin, as the music opens extremely quietly.

2066 And All That. In Pictures - the financial crisis

Here boy, Catch! It's so cool to chase the Stockmarket Frisbee, wherever it goes. Wheeeeeeeeeee!

Right at this moment we're feeling fairly much how this pooch feels as the penny drops (pun intended). Gee golly whiz, it's all been a massive hoax! Gosh. It's one of those "rabbit-caught-in-the-headlights" moments, which everyone (except the Joe the friggin' Plumber and me) apparently knew was coming:

Luckily, I stashed one of these free Mugabe lunch vouchers in my wallet:

...and, together with my financial adviser (my wife), devised a foolproof Personal Bailout Plan:

Things are lookin' bad, George... your Texas limousine may soon look like this:

We all know, however, that any crisis could be fixed if only everyone went out and did more SHOPPING with their credit card:

Avoid using cash at all costs. Banker Henry Paulsen apparently agrees with FunkyPix2, having just re-jigged the US bailout away from toxic assets in favour of assisting marginal banks dish out yet more consumer credit... which (if I'm not mistaken) was the original cause of the crash, yes/no?
Throwing water onto the fire? Petrol? Or whisky?

...... ......or is it simply that Paulsen happens to own a bunch of shares in those banks?

---

PORTFOLIO DOWN AGAIN...?

WELL, HERE ARE SOME COMFORTING THOUGHTS:

.. All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

.. Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

.. Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

.. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

---

Breaking News for those investing money in Japan:

'Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on Northern Rocks in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan. In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut its branches. Yesterday it was announced that Kamacazi Bank was suspended after it nosed-dived. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared the staff my get a raw deal’.

Aw heck, I'd say it's still possible to identify unexploited business opportunities in Japan:

---

Want to trigger a stampede at the office?
No need to throw shoes at the boss... just circulate this memo:

Attention all staff:

Due to the current financial situation caused by the
slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to
be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and
SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional
Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not
be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not recieve enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisors. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

---

And now here is the Finance News. This is a nasty graph of the latest performance of the Australian dollar against the Thai baht. As Australians, our purchasing power here in Thailand is reduced to only two-thirds of what it was in July. Eeeek.

The U.S. Puppy Election: the race to become First Dog in the White House

Republicans always prefer conventional dogs, pretty dogs, wealthy dogs, white dogs... mostly BORING dogs... to be nominated as First Canine in the White House... and probably military dogs if they thought they could get away with it:

However, under Bark Obama's superior guidance and liberal vision, I expect that some disadvantaged and unusual dogs, ugly underdogs and dog minority groups, will be offered equal opportunity to succeed to Caninity's highest position. In Dog We Trust... after all, America is the Howly Land, innit?

FunkyPix2 hereby nominates some candidates for the official position of White House Puppy:
........ [PS: correspondence may be entered into. Australian dollars, please]

... and every good political rally or Dogvention should conclude with a rollicking good song:

Howl together now!!

...and you never know, in another 50 years a talented young pooch (maybe black?) could emerge from obscurity to take over Tony Snow's role as presidential attack-person ...and would certainly do a fairer more balanced job:

The rise and rise of dogs in the White House may even signal an Obama-McCanine Democratic ticket in 2012. And why not? They once laughed and claimed that a black person could never become president... didn't they? Scottie would have made a better presidog than Bush, for sure.

---

STOP PRESS !! FunkyPix2's puppy bid now has competition from the government of Peru, who are offering the Whine House a bald long-eared toothless mangy mutt which they claim to be non-allergenic to children!!! Looks like a cross between a rat and a rabbit. Video here.
Ha! Cheap shot. Cunning marketing. Horrid dastardly trick. Don't believe 'em, Bark.