Can the ALP and KEVIN RUDD ever outrun the terrifying DEMON DUCKLIPS OF DOOM?

A scene from the ALP's forthcoming pre-election blockbuster movie "Jurassic Duck". The Demon Ducklips of Doom pursues Teflon-Man in a desperate race to claim the coveted Golden Fleas.

Amongst all the current hype bleated by the australian media about the rise and rise of Kevin "Teflon Man" Rudd, it must be remembered that the ALP is still cosily in bed with John "Dubya Ducklips" Howard on several key issues.

Traditional australian "Labor Values" seem unfortunately to have been consigned to the Recycle Bin because weak Labor 'leaders' like Crean and Beasley succumbed to the electoral temptations of Howard-style populism with its "divide-and-rule" opportunism, especially racism. But all at the cost of Morality - and Labor supporters deserting en masse. It's high time Rudd reclaimed some lost ground and no longer allow Labor to slide further into the enticing trap set by Howard.

While it's true that FunkyPix2 would still (marginally) prefer Rudd as PM in a 2-horse race, a true third alternative will always be lacking until a genuine Left is re-established in Australian politics. A whole generation of younger voters is now going to have to re-invent Compassion and Morality, presently evident only in Green and ineffective Centre-Left parties and (some!) Independents. I'll vote Green, nach.

For instance, voters up to the age of about 25 have generally never experienced the support of Unionism or Collective Bargaining: these hard-won benefits are now being whittled away in order to boost company profit margins. Labor, even Rudd, still shys away from true alternatives to Howard's morally-flawed Individual Contracts. Nor have young voters experienced Moratorium-style elation of 'people power' as we boomers did in the anti-Vietnam protests of the late sixties and seventies.

But enough of this political drivel - on with the real issue:

"AUSTRALIAN DINOSAURS"

Many unusual dinosaur fossils have been discovered at Riversleigh, not too far from Canberra. This is an artist's impression of the 'Demon Duck of Doom', a flightless carnivorous bird standing perhaps 3 metres tall. Its descendants have evolved into blindly right-wing extremist politicians with smudged glasses and thick skin.

A re-constructed skull of the Demon Duck (Tyrantasaurus Beax).

Paleontologists believe this aggressive Duck wiggled its immensely bushy eyebrows in order to confuse its prey into submission. Some researchers report fossil evidence of a small yellow nit-picking reptile (Costellosaurus Smirkii), almost always found amongst the bones of the Ducklips (often near its stomach !?).

Researchers at Riversleigh also reported discovering fossillized remains of what they dubbed the "Killer Kangaroo". These were weird flesh-eating kangaroos with long canine teeth like wolves:

These Killer Kangaroos didn't hop but galloped. Their descendants still habitually jog every day. They too had bushy eyebrows and deadly claws, as in this artist's impression:

... nor did they like close scrutiny from the media except when jogging, a characteristic still evident today:

Miniature descendants of the Ducklips still roam the australian landscape today, but appear headed for extinction as the planet heats up. Competitors in the wilds of Canberra are evolving faster and taking them on at their own survival game, especially the better-adapted Ruddosaurus Perfectii:

. . . but the Ruddosaurus still has formidable evolutionary disadvantages and corporate baggage after ten long years in the Wilderness:

(the pianist is playing "As Time Goes By")

...and now for the Sports news:

A member of the Howard BlueShirts scores a goal despite being surrounded by the Labor Yellowbellies during the Iraq War Question-Time Penalty Shoot-out. Members of both teams are morally crippled. The winner must play off against the Green team in the final in Baghdad.

~ FunkyPix2's MOVIE Page ~

Cartoonists are the "coal-mine canaries' of the political world, fore-telling trends with as much accuracy as polls. Have a peep at this animated cartoon of pre-election jousting (by the brilliant cartoonist Nicholson of The Australian newspaper). It's quick to load, and will appear in a new window so you can simply close it afterwards... then watch the next one.

. . . and here's a monologue by Paul Keating in which he bags absolutely everyone. FunkyPix2 did NOT write the script... OK?
Hey, but some of the stuff he says is pretty well on target, though ;-)

. . . and another showing Howard’s response to bad polls.

. . . and (of course) the Duck merchandise.

First... a nice soft Demon Duckling of Doom for the very young.

• No spines – so it’s bath-safe!
• No spent uranium – so its cuddle-proof!
• Only $6.66 from FunkyPetz online store!

. . . and one for all you very grown-ups. Wreak sheer Terrorism on your Party guests with this scary DangerDucklips! Giggle at the rude noise that happens when you bend his tail! Comes with verbal 'Core' Promise from Bishop Tony Abbott that it will be allowed through airport baggage inspections, despite its deadly horns sharp enough to puncture Labor's tyres.

And finally, for good luck, FunkyPix2 offers you a reward for all your devoted reading: another animated cartoon by Nicholson. This one's about Kevin Rudd's Honeymoon. Be prepared for shockingly lascivious bedroom scenes (R+).