27 December, 2009

Caffeine Annonymous? No way, I'm NOT addicted to coffee, DEFINITELY NOT, and I'm certainly NOT in denial... OK?

Me in the morning before coffee.

Am I ambivalent about coffee? Well, yes and no. When I first read about the evils of coffee, I immediately gave up reading. Reality is only a crutch for people who can't handle coffee. Yep, for years I've had way too much blood in my caffeine circulation system.

High quality coffee is rare here in Chiangmai.

I attempted to persuade my doctor of the merits of my creed "Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway". There is rock-solid factual evidence for this, but he just didn't even want to listen, the redneck. Gee wiz, what's worse, Ignorance or Apathy? I don't know... and I don't care.

But because I'm cleverly disguised as a responsible adult, I pretended to take notice of his (clearly erroneous) "Red Alert" diagnosis next to the word "Caffeine" in my recent blood test. So I rashly promised to look up the local chapter of Caffeine Anon. Behind my back I tried to cross my fingers. They were jittering a bit too much, but I don't feel guilty at all about not going. I d-d-don't n-n-n-need to. OK OK, I may be a teensy bit schizophrenic... but at least I have each other. Allow me to introduce myselves. And I'm determined to follow my dreams - mm, except maybe the one where I'm naked in church...

...but hey, on the other hand, "university tests" have conclusively PROVED that double-shots of coffee are good for you when taken 3 times per day.
You can check it out for yourself using this elementary formula:

Internet cafe

Inoculatte /v/ To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

The "Novelty Coffee Drinking Event". I suggested many such new Sports Events to the Chinese government (photo gallery here) a whole week before the Beijing Olympics, but I never even heard a peep from them, the party-poopers.

They're just jealous because the voices are talking only to me. No, I haven't lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.

Street Art coffee

Your conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
(my Rice Krispies packet said so)

1 comment:

  1. It's TRUE! Coffee CAN make you last a long time in bed - I managed to sleep 9 hours straight last night... if you don't count getting up twice for a pee...