12 February, 2008

China: New sports events suggested for the Beijing Olympics

Drag-racing. The Opening/Coming-out Ceremony.

...................................... Jet-skiing.

Waterfall Polo - the team left with the most players wins.


The Equestrian Sumo event

Limited-Rounds Sumo Wrestling.
Maybe wheelchair wrestling too?

Long-Distance Queuing. Competitors who spit are disqualified.

The Medal Ceremony Endurance Marathon.

Most number of sexual partners in three 60-second elimination trials.

The Trans-City Spiderman event. Get from start to finish without ever touching street level. Shanghai (photo above) has been suggested as a venue.

The New Table Tennis.

The High-Speed Revolving Skateboard Tunnel. Get from one side to the other in the quickest time without falling. Extra points for holding a glass of water and not spilling any.

Bubble-Bumping. Similar rules to Sumo Wrestling.

Mud-Bombing. Earn points for furthest and highest splash, loudest 'thwack' sound, and most enthusiastic crowd 'oooooh'.

Nano-Golf. The stadium can be conveniently re-located anywhere at short notice in case of pollution problems.

Dodgem-cycle Elimination event.

The Para-Shoot.

The Refugee High-Jump.

Lawn-Mower Cross-Country.

Leaf-Blower Hockey.

Moto-Surfing trials.

Motor-cycle Jousting.

The Uni-cycle Uphill Scramble
Hillside Soccer.

Novelty Coffee-Drinking.

Supersonic Formula-One circuit.

"Kick-ass-and-Run". The new 'Running of the Bulls'.


The New Triathlon: 1. Underwater Ironing; 2. Bog-Snorkelling, and...

...3. Bicycle Slalem.

Co-ordinated gymnastics.
Which one of these will be tested positive for food?

Hang-Glider Skiing.

Headless Gymnastics.



Bull-diving: a revival of the Ancient Minoan sport. Win extra points for a double backward twist with triple pike, and a dustless landing.

Passenger jet aerobatics display.

Junior Yoga.

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