12 February, 2008

Humans go Whaling... so why shouldn't whales go Humaning?

This Grey Whale calf, normally placid and amenable to patting by tourists, was yesterday photographed manipulating a primitive harpoon. The next photo was deemed by the editor as too grisly to publish.
Breaking News!! There has been a series of attacks by whales on humans, with 16 harpoon deaths resulting so far.

Authorities are amazed by the sophistication of thought, language and technological skills of necessary to create and use such tools. The majority of attacks has taken place near Japan, and appear to be co-ordinated. Al Whaleda has claimed responsibility in a beautifully sung video on YouTube.

Aggressive approaches to humans have suddenly increased since the resumption of Japanese whaling. The following grainy security photo records a killer whale breaking through ice to eat a fisherman in Alaska:

...and this Orca whale was photographed breaching right next to the Greenpeace boat. It did not fire its weapon, which was interpreted by Greenpeace as a sign of friendship, thanks, and spiritual kinship:

Maritime authorities are warning tourists and fisherpersons alike to keep out of sight of whales. It is suspected, for instance, that this Blue whale (below) was possibly on a reconnaisance mission to prepare for a suicide attack or ram-raid. Suicide whales are the next phase, folks.

The following film poster is now believed to have been organised as a recruiting tool for Al Whaleda to encourage whale calves to to become freedom fighters. Applicants are promised eye laser guns:

Young whales have been shown photographs of cruel and degrading treatment of whales by humans, such as the occasion (photos below) when gas inside this rotting whale carcass exploded onto a Taiwan street. The symbolic target was a Japanese motorcycle:

Whale advertising agencies may be deliberately cultivating taste for human flesh, even though it is completely unnecessary for whales' survival. Most whales normally eat only plankton, shrimps, etc. However, an advertisement seen recently on WNN-UnderwaterTV showed this whale eating a McHuman burger, with the voice-over singing "Tastes like Chicken, doo doo ...yeah, try the McHuman double-bicep burger, doo-doo..."

....... .......... Human rump slices for sale in a Whale Restaurant.

Whale authorities at the Human Hunting For Research Institute cite this photo as justification of their claim that killing humans for research purposes is legitimate science. Human numbers are far out-stripping whale numbers, to the point that humans are now classified as feral pests and therefore subject to controled culling.
Seriously, if you want to see some really biased picture captions attempting to JUSTIFY whaling, you could not do better than the website of the Japanese Whaling Institute. Anyone who opposes whaling is a 'terrorist'. Gotta see.

And not only but also... Japan cannot even sell its increasingly huge stockpile of whale meat, and prices are falling.

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