23 April, 2008

Pope-zilla enters Sydney Harbour in style

......... Popezilla advances menacingly towards the Sydney Opera House

Cult figures like Warren Jeffs and pope Benedict aren't really very different, except in the details of their belief systems. That's where the *devil* lurks.

Benedickhead's impending visit to Sydney, and the media-driven surge in attention by both Catholics and non-Catholics is evidence not of spiritual need so much as a well-crafted marketing plan. It's all about image... sound-bytes... weird outfits... funny hats... photo-ops... celebs... and Big Money.

................. Tsk tsk, where's your colour sense, Bennie?
Accessories should compliment your dress.

The pope is planning to premiere a totally new style of Olympic torch for the London 2012 Olympics, but only if Gordon Brown converts before leaving office.

OK, I have to admit it's safer than the USA's Missile "Defence" Shield, or the new Chinese-style Olympic torches, most of which currently point towards Taiwan:

... The pope at Randwick Racecourse: The poor little spider never stood a chance.

The Catholic church collects a HUGE amount of wealth via gambling (Saturday Bingo), so methinks it's entirely appropriate to use a racecourse as a venue for a Mass.

Oh, and on the subject of money, did you know that the pope's trip around the world is also to promote certain Vatican product lines? Power and Glory Inc., for instance, is selling this delightful Switching Mary:

... but Wait... there's MORE !!!!!

Click here to go to an article which contains an extensive Catalogue of many more fabulous papal product lines !!!

....................... I can't believe it's not nails !!!

Here are the Top Ten Accusations to put to diehard Christians enroled in "Bigotry 101":
10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
Want more ammunition? Here are 20 Reasons to Abandon Christianity .

And you simply MUST ordain as a Pastafarian priest in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Finally, it is with profound regret that the Vatican announces the abolition of Easter, due to unfortunate circumstances beyond its control:

Read some less-than-palatable truths about Easter . Really, I didn't make these up.

Click here to go to a page displaying all my Religious Issues articles. Amen.

Cheers... now I'm sneaking off to eat someone's body and drink their blood...
BWAA ha ha ha ha ha

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