12 May, 2007

BRISBANE WATER RATIONING: Howard rejects water imported from Thailand as “unacceptable”

Armed Australian Customs operatives prepare to board the EFF PEE 2 by force.
Mr Howard is suspicious of the company name "White Night Water".

Mr Peter of the notorious website FunkyPix2 has attempted to export Bangkok’s excess flood-water to Australia by supertanker. Mr Howard, however, ridicules the plan as “unacceptable” because he hadn’t thought of it himself.

Mr Peter had hired an oil-supertanker, cleaned out its tanks, and filled them with 40 million litres of floodwater run-off from Bangkok’s Chao Phraya river. One section of the ship was upgraded to become a 5-star luxury cruise ship in order to offset the expense of the hire fee. The giant ship anchored off Brisbane, but was refused permission to dock. It was boarded at gunpoint by agents of Customs & Quarantine, DFAT, ASIO, CIA, AWB, ABC, CBA, ATO, Bananas-in-Pyjamas and Strayan Feral Police before being declared unseaworthy. It was immediately scuttled, and sank shortly afterwards off Bribie Island:

Howard torpedoes the deal - and the ill-fated FunkyPix2 tanker.

The local press was muzzled by Rupert Murdoch, Howard’s newly-appointed Media Minister. However, they were encouraged to report that Mr Howard had personally created a new clean green artificial reef to support Queensland’s tourist industry with the bill footed by a captured terrorist.

Mr Peter (the ship’s captain) was detained as a terrorist on account of many anti-Australian statements on his website, including describing Mr Howard as
Ducklips Mr Howard claimed that because Mr Peter lived in Thailand he must be a terrorist because there was proven terrorist activity in the south of Thailand. AlexanDUH Downer had told him so. There was also evidence that Mr Peter had participated in the recent French riots and was a known to ASIO as left-wing socialist Thinker and Activist (=terrorist).

In his arrest statement, Mr Peter claimed that the deal would have reciprocally and responsibly solved water problems in both Thailand and Australia. He said the water could have supplied the irrigation needs of Queensland’s largest cotton farm (
Cubbie Station) for a whole month, thereby freeing up valuable Burdekin drinking water for thirsty Brisbane and Canberra residents. He claimed irrigation sucks up 75% of Australia’s water, which would appear to be a National Party rort ofr the first order.

Given a choice of being sent to Guantanamo Bay or to be repatriated to Thailand, Mr Peter chose the latter. “The food’s heaps better”, he tactfully pointed out. But Mr Howard was scathing: “No-one ever refuses a chance to live in the USA”, he said. “It just proves he’s a bona-fide terrorist.”

Howard again denied the existence of Global Warming, as 4mm of rain had just fallen in Adelaide. He also denied the AWB was corrupt, that WMD had been a lie, and that the world had always been flat.

FunkyPix2 can now reveal the huge stack of unmarked US dollars Mr Costello posts off to Iraq each month in brown paper diplomatic bags. Next to it is the teeny pile of Australian dollars secretly minted to spend on Australian water and alternative energy programs. This encourages inflation, thereby boosting Mr Costello’s bank shares after interest rates are forced up again.

Australia is fighting against the clock for solutions to drought, and it’s now five minutes to midnight. One town has run out already.
Time to stock up on
bottled water yet?

The lone mid-field defender.
Australia’s last tree should be declared a national treasure.

(perve on another tell-all photo of Kirribilli House here)

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