ALEXANDER DOWNER and square wheels are relics of the past. Residents of MAYO alert!

Alexanduh Downer builds a special Foreign Policy Bicycle to cope with Iraq’s rough roads. It doesn’t seem to work in Afghanistan, though, where the world is still flat.

Do YOU live in Downer’s electorate of MAYO? The weight of the world rests on your shoulders: only YOU have the awesome power to vote Alex-in-Wonderland out of office this December.

Anti-War spotlights should be focused on Mr Smart-Alec Downer's scalp because HE is the chief honcho signing off on Howard’s illegal war against an innocent country. He should be arrested and tried for the war crime of invading a sovereign state without the authorization of the UN Security Council.

Downer also allowed Australian troops to consign arrestees to US custody when the US has not ratified the Convention Against Torture and in the light of widespread abuses of prisoners by US troops. He also failed to provide support and advocacy for Australian citizens held at Guantanamo Bay. For these War Crimes he (and John Dubya Ducklips Howard ) should be tried in the International Court along with Milosevic, Suharto, Pol Pot, Mugabe, etc. There’s no difference – just because they’re Australians, there’s no reason to treat them preferentially. And now Downer's arrest warrant is officially published:

(Courtesy of Mr C.D.Jacob Grech, now an Honorary FunkyPixer)

This peaceful demonstration by F.A.D. (FunkyPixers Against Downer) along Sydney’s Martin Place was not deterred by Mr Downer’s strategic placement of ambiguous signals at the corner of George St:

Downer often sends mixed signals because logic and consistency are
all but impossible when defending illogical or immoral stances.

Downer’s ambiguous Foreign Policy helps to confuse ‘the enemy’ we should never have created.

As a result, the electorate of Mayo is being infiltrated by ruthless terrrrrrrrrrists. They adopt appropriate disguises designed specifically to fool Mr Downer.

The innocent Mrs Downer was tricked by a certain Mr Allan Kayder into writing this note to hubby. It didn’t work (hubby's far too constipated).

Mayo may be about to lose its ‘blue ribbon’ status… yee-hah. In a recent interview, Mr Downer intimated that he didn’t know what he’d do if the Feral Coalition lost the election this year:

‘I have absolutely no idea. I could lose my seat. If I lose my seat then I’ll have to find another job”.

That’s more crap from the master. He was already a mega-wealthy Tory Silvertail even before he joined Robin Hood’s Merry Band to take from the Poor to give to the Rich.

Downer’s wife added that Alexanduh has already discussed the possibility of a new career giving lectures on luxury cruise ships. You could expect riveting topics like “Tips-on-How-to-Wangle-the-US-Ambassador-to-Attend-and-Address-a-Fundraiser-in-your-Electorate”. Not a winner, Alec me lad. Anyway, I think Downer’s ship has come in already:

This luxury cruise ship suddenly listed to the Extreme Right when Downer stepped on board. A similar thing may well happen when Amanda da Vannastona sails to Roma. (Well, everyone understands why she can’t fly.)

Anyway, Mr Alex-in-Downunderland, all is not lost yet. Please permit FunkyPix2 to suggest some novel electioneering techniques such as “Free Candy and a Big Hug if you Vote Conservative”:

Don’t worry so much, Alec: they won’t recognize you without fishnets.

In his forthcoming retirement, Alex will be able to pursue his true passions, one of which is his tax-payer funded research into combining bio-fuel research with developing new anti-terrrrrist weapons. Well, I suppose at least the jittery citizens of Baghdad might get one decent laugh before they get tortured and shot:

Smart Alec nicked the idea for this Napalm-Nuker from his soul-mate Donald Rumsfelt. Here he test-drives it.

In more relaxed private moments, Alex will be able to indulge in his love of doing weird experiments on young animals in the deepest dungeon of his Adelaide mansion:

You’re a VERY BAD hamster! WHAT ARE YOU???
(spot the voo-doo bone in Alexander's erotic make-believe scene from Abu Grahib)

…but these victims can all get their eventual revenge, just like you can this coming December via your MAYO ballot-box:

“No, no – wait, wait – it’s not Alexander Downer just yet!”

To acknowledge his approval of all this free publicity from FunkyPix2, the Right-wing Honorable Alexhampster Downer has kindly added his signature:

I suppose if I were ill-disposed toward him, I could cut’n’paste this onto important forged documents . . . . .