13 October, 2006

Pope joins the Republican neo-cons, just in time to save the mid-term elections

“Thank Christ pope Benedict’s joined the Republican Propaganda Machine".

George Dubya Bush must be inwardly grinning at his extraordinary luck. The Global Village Idiot couldn’t have wished for a more powerful ally with mates in high places to assist him to lose his War even faster. Now Bush and his Matrix-of-Evil has big-time ideological cred in the one-man War on Terrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

As a reward, the White House might let the wanna-be-populist pope appear on American Idle on the episode when Gen. Pinochet gets to be adjudicator. The pope’s compliance doesn’t come cheap, though - the Vatican’s professional fee was reputedly more than the GDP of the British Virgin Islands and Tonga put together.

BREAKING NEWS !! FP2 has just obtained reliable insider blab that the previous pope did not die of natural causes. A top secret and previously unknown Vatican Euthanasia committee was privately advised of the diagnosis of “coma” and “several years in a vegetative state”. Once they heard those dreaded words, the pope was quietly bumped off to avoid getting the church into yet another un-winnable faith/reason debate. He'd previously pleaded with them to do it, but of course they wouldn't: their private compassions were suppressed entirely by doctrinal herd-mentality. Can’t afford to let inconvenient facts get in the way of a Good Story and a Happy Christian Ending.

PS: FP2 knows all the salacious details, but we’ve had an offer from ‘No Idea’ magazine which we simply can’t refuse.

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